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Have you ever found yourself in a relationship with someone who constantly lies and manipulates you? Chances are, you might be dealing with a narcissist.

Narcissists are individuals who have an inflated sense of self-importance and lack empathy towards others. They are masters at manipulation and will do whatever it takes to keep you under their control. One of the ways they do this is by telling lies that are hard to resist. In this article, we will discuss 14 common lies a narcissist says to keep you around.

The “I Love You” Lie

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Narcissists are masters at saying what you want to hear. They will use phrases like “I love you” to keep you hooked. But the truth is, they don’t actually know what love is. To a narcissist, love is just another tool to manipulate and control their victim.

This lie is particularly effective because it taps into our deepest desires and needs. For many, hearing those three words, “I love you,” satisfies a longing for acceptance and affection. Narcissists know this and exploit it without hesitation. They use these words not to express genuine feelings but as bait, a trap to keep you ensnared in their toxic web.

The “You’re Special” Lie

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Narcissists often make their victims feel special and unique at the beginning of the relationship. They will shower you with compliments and make you feel like you are the most amazing person in the world. However, this is just a ploy to gain your trust and loyalty.

Over time, you may notice that this praise becomes less frequent, gradually replacing the compliments with criticism. The narcissist accomplishes two things during this process: firstly, they create a power dynamic where you constantly seek their approval, and secondly, they set up a scenario where you start blaming yourself for their change in attitude. Remember, the “you’re special” line is merely a mirage created to lure you into their world.

The “I’ll Change” Lie

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Narcissists are known for their toxic behavior, yet they will often promise that they will change for the better. This is just another tactic to keep you around and give them another chance. In reality, a narcissist is unlikely to change as they see no need for it.

They’re convinced that their actions are justified and see themselves as the victim rather than the perpetrator. When they say, “I’ll change,” what they’re really saying is, “I’ll do anything to keep you under my control.” It’s essential to recognize these words for what they are – empty promises, a calculated maneuver designed to keep their grip on you.

The “It’s All Your Fault” Lie

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A narcissist will never take responsibility for their actions and will always find a way to blame you for any problems in the relationship. This is a way for them to avoid accountability and make you feel guilty for things that are not your fault.

By consistently shifting the blame onto you, they avoid addressing their shortcomings and thus avoid the need for self-improvement. This tactic is also employed to make you second-guess your feelings and actions, leading you to believe you’re wrong. Over time, this can lead to a severe drop in your self-esteem and self-worth, making you more dependent on the narcissist for validation and approval.

The “I’m the Victim” Lie

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Narcissists are skilled at playing the victim and making you feel sorry for them. They will twist situations to make it seem like they are the one suffering, even if they were the ones who caused the problem in the first place.

When a narcissist shifts into the “I’m the victim” mode, they are essentially seeking to capitalize on your empathy and compassion in an attempt to elicit your sympathy and support. They expertly construct a narrative in which they are perpetually beset by circumstances beyond their control, skillfully dodging any responsibility for their actions. By immersing themselves in this role, they manage to divert attention away from their toxic behavior and turn the tables, making themselves appear as the wronged party instead.

The “Everyone is Jealous of Us” Lie

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Narcissists see themselves as superior to others and will often brag about their relationships or accomplishments. They want you to believe that everyone is envious of what you have, further boosting their own ego.

This illusion of widespread envy is a way for them to manipulate you into feeling special and privileged for being associated with them. The narcissist uses this lie to foster an “us against the world” mentality, which further isolates you from others and deepens your dependency on them. It’s a deceitful tactic designed to make you feel you are part of an exclusive, admired team, thus making it even harder for you to separate yourself from the relationship.

The “You Can’t Live Without Me” Lie

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Narcissists want to be needed and will use this lie to make you dependent on them. They will make you feel like you can’t function without them, and this makes it harder for you to leave the toxic relationship.

This manipulation is one of the most damaging, as it attacks your self-esteem and self-worth directly. Narcissists will repeatedly emphasize how essential they are in your life, often going as far as claiming that your very survival hinges on their presence. It’s a potent lie that can leave you feeling helpless and incapable in their absence, further solidifying their control over you.

The “I Don’t Remember That” Lie

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Narcissists have a selective memory and will conveniently forget any negative things they have done or said. This is a form of gaslighting, where they make you doubt your own recollection of events and question your sanity.

By feigning ignorance and denying their actions, narcissists aim to disorient you and undermine your confidence in your own perception. This manipulation tactic is a powerful weapon in their arsenal, as it can push you to constantly second-guess yourself, leading to increased anxiety and confusion. Over time, this persistent gaslighting can erode your sense of reality, making you more susceptible to their manipulative strategies and trapping you further within the toxic relationship.

The “I’m the Only One Who Understands You” Lie

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Narcissists will often try to isolate you from friends and family, making themselves the only person you have. They will claim that they are the only one who truly knows and understands you, further deepening their control over you.

This lie can be incredibly damaging, as it can cause you to feel alienated and alone, all the while believing that your narcissistic partner is your only genuine connection. This is a calculated move to cut you off from any external support or influence that could challenge their manipulation. By monopolizing your trust and reliance, the narcissist solidifies their position of power and control in the relationship, leaving you more vulnerable to their exploitative tactics.

The “You’re Too Sensitive” lie

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Narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism, so when you try to address any issues in the relationship, they will dismiss it by saying you are too sensitive. This is a way for them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

This “you’re too sensitive” lie is intended to make you question your feelings and perceptions, thereby destabilizing your self-trust. By shifting the blame onto you, they manage to deflect any criticism and protect their inflated ego. It’s important to recognize this for what it is – gaslighting, a psychological manipulation technique used to sow seeds of doubt and make you question your own memory, perception, or sanity.

The “I’m Just Trying to Help You” Lie

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Narcissists will use this lie to mask their controlling behavior. They will claim that they are only trying to help you, but in reality, they are manipulating and dictating every aspect of your life.

Under the guise of “helping,” they will criticize your choices, belittle your abilities, and gradually undermine your self-esteem until you start doubting your own judgment. They strive to make you reliant on their advice and consent for every decision, further consolidating their control over your life. Recognizing this deceptive tactic is key to understanding the narcissist’s game and reclaiming your autonomy.

The “You Owe Me” Lie

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Narcissists will use any favors or gifts they have done for you as leverage to get what they want. They will remind you of everything they have done for you and make you feel like you owe them something in return.

This “you owe me” narrative is extremely manipulative, creating a sense of obligation and guilt that can be difficult to shake off. They use reciprocity as a weapon, twisting the principle of mutual exchange to suit their selfish desires. It’s important to understand that you are not obliged to fulfill their unreasonable demands. Genuine acts of kindness or help do not come with an ulterior motive or a price tag.

The “You’re Lucky to Have Me” Lie

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Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and will constantly remind you how lucky you are to have them in your life. This is another way for them to keep you around and make you feel dependent on them.

They will claim that without them, you would be lost or you wouldn’t be as successful or happy. This tactic is designed to make you feel like you can’t survive without them and that you should be grateful for their presence in your life. It’s important to remember that everyone brings value to relationships, and no one should make you feel like you are less or that you owe them for being a part of your life.

The “I Know What’s Best for You” Lie

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Narcissists will try to control every decision you make, claiming that they know what’s best for you. They will belittle your choices and opinions, making you doubt yourself and rely on them for guidance.

This relentless undermining of your judgment is another manipulative maneuver to keep you tethered to them. By constantly dismissing your decisions, they are gradually eroding your self-confidence, making you feel incapable and dependent. It’s crucial to remember that you are an individual with your own aspirations, experiences, and capabilities. Do not let anyone, especially a narcissist, dilute your self-worth and autonomy.

Conclusion

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Recognizing these lies and manipulative tactics is crucial to protecting yourself from a narcissist’s damaging influence. Their behaviors are designed to keep you second-guessing, feeling indebted, and unsure of your own judgment. 

It’s important to remember that a healthy relationship is based on mutual respect, trust, and open communication. It may be time to reassess the relationship if you find yourself constantly on the defensive, feeling drained, or doubting your own worth. It’s never easy to break free from a narcissist’s grasp, but with the right support and understanding, you can find the strength to move on to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

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