Women over 50 who have had absolutely zero luck finding a good man to date, say “Yo”! Girl. I feel your pain. Let’s face it. Dating at any age can be a tad stressful but dating in your 50’s? Oooph! What a shitshow that is.
Now I guess it also depends on where you live. I happen to live in a tiny town in a third world country (Guatemala), so ya. Send prayers and chocolate please. I mean I imagine I could always check out a dating site for Guatemala city, maybe find a good man, and then hightail my ass there to visit him but I’m already exhausted just thinking about that. It’s 4 hours away on a good day.
And it’s kinda hard to find a good man in the town I live in. Like it’s next to impossible. So for the sake of this blog, I’ll use my dating experiences from when I still lived in Canada and was regularly using dating sites.
Dating in your 50’s is as painful as a root canal
I remember when I left my last relationship ( I was 51 yrs old) I went back on the dating site to check out the cesspool, er I mean, the fish in the sea to find out what kind of choices I had. What a huge disappointment. I had been with my ex for almost 8 years (and ya, I met him on the same dating site) and all the men on this site were still there from 8 years ago.
That should have been a clear sign for me. Colour me desperate.
So after sifting through all the “Tom, Dick and Harry’s” I settled on a guy I knew for quite some time who was the ex husband an old childhood friend of mine. Conversation was light, fun and somewhat intelligent. He had a good job, was close to his children, seemed responsible enough. Had a good circle of friends. You know. All the things we like to check off when finding a new love.
3 months into dating I realized he was an alcoholic. Ugh!!
And then there was the next guy who was super sweet and awesome (though I think he may have spent time in jail for fraud?) but holy clingy!! Dude. I need to breathe. Oy.
I finally gave up and just concentrated on making my life better and then eventually just left the country. Little did I know how much worse dating in my 50’s was gonna get.
How many of you have had similar struggles dating men from online sites? Be honest. We’re all friends here. Or maybe some of you met men in more conventional ways. You know like the grocery store, the hardware store, the library (really, Iva?). Places like that. Maybe even blind dates?
It’s been my observation (and correct me if I’m wrong) but most men in their 50’s seem to want to date chicks in their 20’s and 30’s. Is that like an ego thing or a mid life crisis thing? I dunno. But there are still some relatively level headed men who actually do want to date women in their 50’s and can appreciate us and all our aging parts (like grey hair in your pubes? Oh for fuck sakes!!)
And then there are women in their 50’s who want to date men in their 20’s and 30’s. I ain’t judging. I’ve had my fair share of one night stands. But to actually have a relationship with a dude in his 20’s. Ya I can’t imagine. But you go girl!
Sorry, I digressed.
Why is it so hard to find a good man?
Are we too picky? Maybe we’re asking for too much? I dunno. My checklist isn’t really that huge or ridiculous. It goes something like this:
- have a pulse
- don’t be an alcoholic
- I’d like all your body parts to be working
- have half a brain
- be honest
- and be somewhat handsome (too shallow?)
Ok so is that too much to ask? Alright I’ll be completely honest. I mean there are a few more things on that list but nothing off the charts that would people shake their heads at me.
So I dunno. So why is it hard to find a good man? Are they all taken and we have to settle for second best? I shudder. I honestly thought that by this age, men (and women) would have gone through all the bullshit they need to go through in life, learned lessons, grown from them and became better people. No? Am I that naive?
I mean I ain’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination but I think I’m a pretty good catch. I got my shit together (when I remember where I put it) and I’m beyond all the trauma and other icky stuff I went through in life. I’ve evolved and think I’m a pretty damn good person (why is this always about you Iva?) So why is it so hard to find a good man then?
Some dating problems we face as women over 50
First and foremost, in my opinion (feel free to leave yours in the comments below) some of the dating problems we face is that it’s hard to even know where the good men hang out. Is it Home Depot? The golf course? The local park sitting on a bench feeding pigeons? Colour me clueless on this one.
I mean if you aren’t hunting for husband #2 or 3 or even 4 on a dating site then where are you looking for men? Seriously tell me, I wanna know.
Another dating problem we have is that we have high standards. We definitely know what we don’t want, so we just want a man who is the complete opposite of all that. Surely there must be one or two still left out there?
I think one more dating problem we have is that some of us still cling on to men we date and overlook all the bad because we’re so desperate for love and affection, we’ll take just about anything that gives us the least bit of attention. I did that. So when we cling on to Douchebag Darryl we are completely missing out on Wonderful Wally. Girls, we need to love and respect ourselves more. Seriously!
Never settle because you’re lonely. Triple A batteries do a great job and dogs really do make good company.
Finding a new love in your 50’s isn’t that easy
Now I’m sure there are many women, and men, who actually did find real true love in their 50’s and they are living happily ever after. I’m happy for you. Really I am. We all are.
And then there’s us.
So why is finding a new love so hard? In all seriousness, I don’t really have all the answers but I will share my thoughts on this with you. Please remember, these are my thoughts and opinions only. You can share yours in the comment section below!
First and foremost, we’re picky dammit. We’ve spent the first 40 some years of our lives with assholes, jerks, liars, abusers, you name it, we did it. Do you honestly think we want to spend the last 40 years of our life doing the same thing?
I mentioned it before and I’ll say it again. We have much higher standards this time around. We’re not settling (please don’t). We don’t need a man anymore. At this stage in our life, we want a man for companionship, someone who we can connect with emotionally, mentally and spiritually (well the last one for sure for me). Someone to laugh with, cry with, and simply just enjoy life with, without bullshit and drama.
We also want good sex.
We’re hyper picky. We’ve grown and we absolutely won’t put up with crap anymore. We learned the hard way how to:
- love ourselves
- respect ourselves
- have more self confidence
- form boundary lines, and
- how to be happy alone
And we won’t ever let anyone take these things away from us. Ever.
So you see, finding a new love can be complicated because this next guy has to totally get and appreciate that by this age, we’ve become badasses who don’t put up with crap and can SEE right through crap. We’re smart cookies now. We have balls and we found our voices. And we ain’t afraid to use it (our voices, not our balls).
I think another problem is that men haven’t grown or evolved like we have. I mean I’m sure some have but the majority, maybe not? They still want someone to cook and clean and “get on your knees” and be the nice housewife.
Hard pass. Again.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind cooking and I like to keep a clean house but wait, can you cook? Do you know how to use a mop too? Is sex just all about you? Are you willing to meet my needs too? My head hurts. This is too exhausting.
So why is dating so hard in your 50’s?
Dating in your 50’s is hard because we’re not settling anymore. We’re not putting up with your bullshit and we especially are not going to let you disrespect us. We’re done chasing you and we know exactly what we want. And we will not settle for less, ever again.
We’ve already been there, we’ve done that. It sucks. We’re happy in our skin now and we don’t feel the need to impress anyone anymore. Take me as I am or not at all.
Why dating in your 50’s is so hard
Honestly, it’s frustrating having to start all over again. You know the whole “Hi how are you, what emotional baggage are you still carrying, are you an alcoholic or drug addict, have you ever been in jail for a sex crime or murder?”. You know. That stuff. The getting to know you stuff. It’s exhausting!!!
But we know what we want and we’re not choosing you solely based on the fact that the other side of the bed has been cold for too long. We’re scrutinizing each and every dude that crosses our path and every move he makes. This guy is going under a microscope, whether he likes (or even knows it) or not. And when we’re done dissecting you, we’ll either spit you out or hang on to you a wee bit longer.
You know, to make sure you really aren’t a murderer.
Dating in your 50’s can suck a lot
After reading all this it’s easy to see how dating in your 50’s can suck. An awful lot. But it doesn’t have to be all bad and I’m sure there are some good guys out there. I’m holding out hope that one day, some tall dark handsome man will blow into town and sweep me off my feet.
And I truly do hope you find the man of your dreams too one day. I think we all deserve a healthy relationship and true love. I know I do and I’m not giving up hope that my man is out there looking for me somewhere ( I hope he travels).
Until then, I have batteries and a dog (well that came out wrong).
xo iva xo