finding love over 50-frustrated woman on date with young guy

Finding Love Over 50 Can Be Stressful, Exhausting and Pathetic

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Women over 50 who have had absolutely zero luck finding love over 50, say “Yo”! Girl. I feel your pain. In this article, I’m going to discuss the challenges of dating and finding love after 50.

Now I guess it also depends on where you live.

I happen to live in a tiny town in a third world country (Guatemala), so ya. Send prayers and chocolate please. The dating scene here for older adults is almost non existent. It’s easy to meet new people here because there are plenty of travelers and expats but the dating pool is dry.

I mean I imagine I could always check out a dating site for Guatemala city, maybe find a good man, and then hightail my butt there to visit him but I’m already exhausted just thinking about that. It’s 4 hours away on a good day.

Hard pass.

And it’s kinda hard to find a good man in the town I live in. Like it’s next to impossible. Needless to say, my love life is also non existent.

So for the sake of this blog, I’ll use my dating experiences from when I still lived in Canada and was regularly using dating sites desperately trying to find love.

Finding love at 50 is as painful as a root canal

For reeeeal!!

I remember when I left my last relationship ( I was 51 yrs old) I went back to the online dating site to check out the cesspool, er I mean, the fish in the sea to find out what kind of choices I had. Why did I think there would be plenty of fish in that sea?

What a huge disappointment.

I had been with my ex for almost 8 years (and ya, I met him on the same dating site) and all the men on this site were still there from 8 years ago.

That should have been a clear sign for me. Colour me desperate.

So after sifting through all the “Tom, Dick and Harry’s” I went on my first date with a male friend I had known for quite some time who was the ex husband an old childhood friend of mine.

Conversation was light, fun and somewhat intelligent. He had a good job, was close to his children, seemed responsible enough. Had a good circle of friends. You know. All the things we like to check off when finding a new love.

He had potential mate status. I was in heaven. He was romantic and attentive but not overpowering. On the second date he had exciting plans for us for an all day boating adventure.

It was all so new and so much fun. We had the perfect time together and I was sure he was my kind of man.

3 months into dating, the red flags started popping up and I realized he was an alcoholic. Ugh!!

via GIPHY

And then there was the next guy who was super sweet and awesome (though I think he may have spent time in jail for fraud?) but holy clingy!! Dude. I need to breathe. Oy.

I finally gave up and just concentrated on making my life better and then eventually just left the country. Little did I know that it was going to be a million times harder finding love again at 50 in my new town.

How many of you have had similar struggles trying to find men from online dating sites? Be honest. We’re all friends here.

Or maybe some of you met men in more conventional ways. You know like the grocery store, the hardware store, the library (really, Iva?). Places like that. Maybe even blind dates?

It’s been my observation (and correct me if I’m wrong) but most men in their 50’s seem to want to date chicks in their 20’s and 30’s. Is that like an ego thing or a mid life crisis thing? I dunno.

But there are still some relatively level headed men who actually do want to date women in their 50’s and can appreciate us and all our aging parts (like grey hair in your pubes? Oh ffs!!)

And then there are women in their 50’s who want to date men in their 20’s and 30’s. I ain’t judging. I’ve had my fair share of one night stands. But to actually have a new relationship with a dude in his 20’s. Ya I can’t imagine. But you go girl!

Sorry, I digress.

Why is it so hard to find a good man?

Are we too picky? Maybe we’re asking for too much? I dunno. My checklist isn’t really that huge or ridiculous. It goes something like this:

  • have a pulse
  • don’t be an alcoholic
  • I’d like all your body parts to be working
  • have half a brain
  • be honest
  • and be somewhat handsome (too shallow?)

Ok so is that too much to ask? Alright I’ll be completely honest. I mean there are a few more things on that list but nothing off the charts that would people shake their heads at me.

So why is it hard to find a good man? Are they all taken and we have to settle for second best? I shudder.

I honestly thought that by this age, men (and women) would have gone through all the crap they need to go through in life, learned lessons, grown from them and became better people.

No? Am I that naive?

I mean I ain’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination but I think I’m a pretty good catch. I got my crap together (when I remember where I put it) and I’m beyond all the trauma and other icky stuff I went through in life. I’ve evolved and think I’m a pretty damn good person (why is this always about you Iva?)

So why is it so hard to find a good man then?

woman looking through a telescope-finding love after 50 blog

Some dating problems we face as women over 50

First and foremost, in my opinion (feel free to leave yours in the comments below) some of the dating problems we face is that it’s hard to even know where the good men hang out. Is it Home Depot? The golf course? The local park sitting on a bench feeding pigeons? Colour me clueless on this one.

I mean if you aren’t hunting for husband #2 or 3 or even 4 on a dating site then where are you looking for men? Seriously tell me, I wanna know.

Another dating problem we have is that we have high standards. We definitely know what we don’t want, so we just want a man who is the complete opposite of all that.

Surely there must be one or two still left out there?

I think another problem we run into is that some of us still cling on to men we date and overlook all the bad because we’re so desperate for love and affection, we’ll take just about anything that gives us the least bit of attention.

I did that. So when we cling on to Jerk Off Jerry we are completely missing out on Wonderful Wally.

Girls, we need to love and respect ourselves more. Seriously!

Never settle because you’re lonely. Triple A batteries do a great job and dogs really do make good company.

woman over 50 with her dogs-dating in your 50's blog

Finding a new love in your 50’s isn’t that easy

Now I’m sure there are many women, and men, who actually did find love after 50 and they are living happily ever after. I’m happy for you. Really I am. We all are.

And then there’s the rest of us.

So why is finding a new love so hard? In all seriousness, I don’t really have all the answers but I will share my thoughts on this with you. Please remember, these are my thoughts and opinions only. You can share yours in the comment section below!

Iva’s thoughts

First and foremost, we’re picky dammit. We’ve spent the first 40 some years of our lives with losers, jerks, liars, abusers, you name it, we did it. Do you honestly think we want to spend the last 40 years of our life doing the same thing?

Hell no.

I mentioned it before and I’ll say it again. We have much higher standards this time around. We’re not settling (please don’t). We don’t need a man anymore. At this stage in our life, we want a man for companionship, someone who we can connect with emotionally, mentally and spiritually (well the last one for sure for me). Someone to laugh with, cry with, and simply just enjoy life with, without drama.

We also want good sex.

handcuffed woman sex-finding love over 50

We’re hyper picky. We’ve grown and we absolutely won’t put up with crap anymore. We learned the hard way how to:

  • love ourselves
  • respect ourselves
  • have more self confidence
  • form boundary lines, and
  • how to be happy alone

And we won’t ever let anyone take these things away from us. Ever.

So you see, finding a new love can be complicated because this next guy has to totally get and appreciate that by this age, we’ve become badasses who don’t put up with crap and can SEE right through crap. We’re smart cookies now. We have balls and we found our voices. And we ain’t afraid to use it (our voices, not our balls).

I think another problem is that men haven’t grown or evolved like we have. I mean I’m sure some have but the majority, maybe not? They still want someone to cook and clean and “get on your knees” and be the nice housewife.

Hard pass. Again.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind cooking and I like to keep a clean house but wait, can you cook? Do you know how to use a mop too? Is sex just all about you? Are you willing to meet my needs too?

My head hurts. This is too exhausting.

frustrated woman with her head on table-finding love over 50 blog post

So why is finding love in your 50’s so hard?

Dating in your 50’s is hard because we’re not settling anymore. We’re not putting up with your crap and we especially are not going to let you disrespect us. We’re done chasing you and we know exactly what we want.

And we will not settle for less, ever again.

We’ve already been there, we’ve done that. It sucks. We’re happy in our skin now and we don’t feel the need to impress anyone anymore. Take me as I am or not at all.

Period.

Why is finding love after 50 so hard?

Honestly, it’s frustrating having to start all over again. You know the whole “Hi how are you, what emotional baggage are you still carrying, are you an alcoholic or drug addict, have you ever been in jail for a sex crime or murder?”. You know. That stuff. The getting to know you stuff. It’s exhausting!!!

But we know what we want and we’re not choosing you solely based on the fact that the other side of the bed has been cold for too long. We’re scrutinizing each and every dude that crosses our path and every move he makes. This guy is going under a microscope, whether he likes (or even knows it) or not. And when we’re done dissecting you, we’ll either spit you out or hang on to you a wee bit longer.

You know, to make sure you really aren’t a murderer.

Finding love over 50 can suck a lot

After reading all this it’s easy to see how finding love over 50 can suck. An awful lot. But it doesn’t have to be all bad and I’m sure there are some good guys out there. I’m holding out hope that one day, some tall dark handsome man will blow into town and sweep me off my feet.

And I truly do hope you find the man of your dreams too one day. I think we all deserve a healthy relationship and true love. I know I do and I’m not giving up hope that my man is out there looking for me somewhere ( I hope he travels).

Until then, I have batteries and a dog (well that came out wrong).

xo iva xo

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11 Comments

  1. Bull shit article. I am throwing out the bull shit flag. Women in their 50’s are so damn picky. More so then younger women. They come up with lists on what a guy should look like. How to behave. How to act. They are selfish and deserve this. Women become more arrogant as they get older. They are a bit more carefree when they are younger. They are also too old to have kids so why should they even care what a guy looks like. You are not going to have kids with them. Just more bull shit out of the selfish gender.

    1. LOL ya we don’t put up with bullshit guys like you………..thanx for reading

      1. Maybe then we should all just become homosexuals. Then the genders don’t have to deal with each other any more. This is what this society is coming to anyways. Babies can be created in test tubes so go gay.

      2. Regardless of how harshly he expressed himself, Joe actually has some valid points.
        I think a big red flag in this article is accountability. “What am i doing or thinking wrong thats keeping me single?”
        Another obstacle women keep running into is thinking that men want or cover the same things in a partner as women do-which couldn’t be further from the truth. This is just some insight from a 50+ man who’s ex wife of two decades decided she wasn’t happy in the marriage. It was excruciatingly painful but after a tremendous amount of work I’m in the best relationship of my life with a partner that truly values and loves me.
        Just stop being a victim and continue to work on yourself because thats all you really can control. The rest will just come.

    2. Wow, that is a sure sign of lack of intelligence. Iva nailed it. Your looking for the bimbo without an ounce of substance, brains, or self worth so you can control her. When women have dealt with the bs your desiring, we actual learn, evolve and have higher standards but keep our expectations in check. In addition, we dealt with the past and left our exes in the past where they belong. Joe, sadly you aren’t looking for companionship or laughter- we are. Fundamentally your response lacks the very foundation of a relationship. Respect.

  2. Women always have men waiting in the friends zone that they don’t want but are perfectly good guys. Women are too picky and usually expect a laundry list of things from a guy and at the same time can offer nothing to the guy except sex. Women in their 50s get attention from guys much higher on the dating scale in terms of attraction but the guys just want sex. But this attention makes the women think they are settling if they don’t get this perfect guy just because they have had sex with this type of guy. Women don’t want the guys on their level so that’s why dating sucks for them. They only date the best looking guys who use them for sex.

    1. Can offer nothing to the guy except sex? Oy. Where you picking up your women? Wow this comment is over the top…thanx for jumping in though

      1. These are the guys who have no careers, home or scruples Iva. I know the world is bat shit stupid these days, but these guys have shown their hand. Sadly, they were never good at sex so they are deflecting and not accepting that they might be the problem. A friend told me something today, men NEED someone, woman don’t we desire someone. Most of us have raised children alone, done our career alone, built a home alone and taught our boys how to be men because the men were always looking for the next best thing (and ended up with zero). Self-actualization is a process that few attain and even fewer truly understand.

        Women wanting only good looking men, that’s true only in we desire men, not a man child who needs a mommy, not a boy toy who has anatomy only between his legs and nothing above the shoulders. Guys sadly, you haven’t learn to make love because your too busy looking for the next younger thing, the next baby making machine or just the next thing because your so uncreative that you have to keep moving from person to person because you have the creativity of a dead slug, the personality of ashes, and your best feature is you know how to turn the shower on and hopefully understand the purpose of soap.

        We want laughter, companionship, and if your good in the sheets then we all the more impressed. We all have a past, if only people could leave it there and focus on the here the now and work toward the future with the one next to you and not all the ones you think want you.

  3. Cassie you show just how stupid you are. Your only comeback is to call somebody a name or categorize them into something. You women do get dumber as you get older. How do you know what single dad’s have accomplished? Enjoy your vibrator.

  4. When men date younger women they have an ego problem or are having a midlife crisis, but when women do it it’s “YoU gO gIrL!” Maybe this selfish hypocrisy is the real reason men date younger women.

    1. Sure whatever you think. Thanx for reading and sharing your thoughts.

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