So here you are, newly divorced/separated/widowed/single, and trying to navigate this thing called life, by yourself. If you are starting a new life alone and are absolutely clueless and terrified, this post is for you.
I’ve recently discovered that so many women are starting over at 50 and really just want and need a fresh start in life. Starting a new chapter in life can include any or all of the following things:
- new home
- new country
- new job
- new friends
- new people
- new adventure
You see where I’m going with this. I’m gonna be honest here. I think the best way to start is to keep an open mind, have a positive mindset and say yes to everything. Now while the latter sounds bold, you have to remember something.
You’ve probably been saying “NO” to all kinds of new things your entire life. It’s time to say ‘YES’ to all new beginnings, no matter how big or small and just embrace life!!
Let’s get to it now…
In case you missed my story (and wonder who the hell am I anyway?) you might want to take a few minutes to check out this video from my YouTube channel. It explains a lot and will give you some insight as to why I’m qualified to write about this.
Don’t forget to subscribe while you’re over there!
Starting a New Life Alone-scary or exciting??
I’ll be honest, when I was starting my new life alone I felt like that kid from Home Alone (whatever the hell his name is). I was free, excited, giddy and also kinda felt like a 5 yr old on Christmas morning.
But that feeling doesn’t last long. Fear does set it. And confusion. You spend an awful lot of time whispering to yourself “what the hell am I doing”. Yup. Well, at least I did.
Because, if you’re like me, you’ve never really been alone and you have no idea
- who you are,
- what to do,
- what you want to do,
- what you should be doing,
- what you can do…oy the list goes on.
It’s almost like you’re ‘born again’ (no not like that!!) and you are learning how to live. It feels just like that. The slate is clean and you get to write the next new chapter in your life. How exciting is that??
Starting Over at 50
While this blog is geared to women over 50, please keep in mind all the same things apply no matter how old you are. Whether you’re starting over at 35, starting over at 40 or even starting over at 60, please remember age means nothing.
The tips I share here can be used for anyone starting over in life, at any age, but for the purpose of this blog and the site, I am talking about starting a new life alone over 50.
I think the biggest thing for so many is that we fear that ‘it’s too late to start a new chapter’ or now we’re ‘too old to start over’.
Neither of those is true. 50 is not the end of the world. Au contrare. You life is just about to begin!
Starting Over With Nothing
Nothing. Nudda. Not even a pot to pee in. That’s how I was starting a new life alone. Broke and broken. It was pretty pathetic to be honest.
Here I was at 51 yrs old and I had nothing to my name. At the time I felt like a loser and a big fat disappointment to my family members, my coworkers and even my one and only best friend.
Little did I know at the time that starting over with nothing would be my saving grace.
You might really like this blog from my site
It can be very overwhelming and lonely. You always feel lonely, until you don’t. More on that later. But the biggest emotion that seems to take over is fear and couple that with anxiety, well, it’s a mess.
Whenever we are going through one of life’s storms or we are in the middle of a traumatic experience or a hard time, we really don’t see a way out or how we’re going to make it through.
But we do. We do every single friggin’ time! And you will this time too.
But before I get to the 10 things you need to do to help you start your new life alone, I need to share something super cool with you. So many of us, after leaving our partners, are left with an awful lot of emotional baggage and trauma (some even from childhood that we haven’t healed from yet).
We’re afraid and alone for the first time and not sure what to do with our lives. Are you getting me?
So I created this powerful course…check it out
If you’re totally ready to reinvent your life, take back your power, leave the past behind and move on and finally be freakin’ happy, you might really like my new signature course My Time to Shine.
Let’s face it, midlife is hard, exhausting and frustrating and it didn’t come with an instruction manual (except for blogs like this one!!). I’ve created this powerful and transformational course to help you get unstuck and live the life you desire and deserve.
Starting a New Life Alone-10 things you need to do
Starting a new life alone can be overwhelming. There’s no denying that. There may be some times where you feel like giving up or throwing in the towel or just staying the same and changing nothing.
Don’t do that. Plow through and have faith.
Your new life and new adventure is waiting for you and I can almost guarantee it will blow your mind. It will require you to pull up your big girl panties, face fear and do any or all of the 10 things listed below.
1 Believe in yourself
This one might be hard for some of us to do because all our lives we’ve been told we are stupid or worthless but I’m here to tell you, YOU’RE NOT!!! Though it may seem impossible, you CAN do the hard things.
You have to start believing in yourself, your personal power and all the special gifts, talents and skills you have that make you awesome!
You might really like this video from my channel about how to believe in yourself. I think it will really help you.
2 Make a list
Besides a grocery list, when was the last time you made a list of things you need and want? A list of fun things.
I want you to make a list of all the things you love to do and haven’t for a very long time, write out things you want to do, places you want to go, a list of dreams and goals, if you will.
We have put our lives on the backburner to make everyone else happy for so long, well now it’s your turn to be happy!! Woot!!
3 Enjoy your company
Seriously. Find out who you are. Spend time alone doing random things or absolutely nothing. Read, relax, grow, expand, evolve whatever you gotta do, just do it and find the joy and beauty in all of it.
We think we know who we are but really we don’t and not only that, we’re evolving into newer and improved human beings. You need to discover lots about you. The good, the bad and the ugly.
Maybe you need to face some inner demons and do some deep and hard internal work to be free from all the trauma and limiting beliefs from the past.
Maybe you don’t even love or like yourself and you need to learn to do that!
4 Get out of your comfort zone
Go and do EPIC stuff. For real. Start saying YES more to new adventures and things you’ve never done before. Flick fear away and strap on some zip lining cables or a parachute!
Stop saying NO when people invite you to places. Start saying YES and go and enjoy life! Starting a new life alone means doing things you’ve never done but have always wanted to!!
A new social life, new people, new friends…remember all that fun new stuff?? You can have it all!
5 Make a list of things to get rid of
Toxic people, places, things, whatever. Make a list of the things in your life you hate right now. It could be family (that’s ok too!) or your job or anything. It’s time to take inventory of what’s working and what’s not.
You don’t want the next 50 years to be a repeat of the last 50. Some crap has gotta go! Write it out and you may even be surprised at how many things you still have in your life that are causing you grief.
This list is an eye opener.
And now that you see what’s gotta go, make a plan to get rid of it/them!!! I’m serious. I don’t care if one of the icky things on your list is your sister or father or mother. You are an adult. You can say “you know I don’t really want to come here anymore or be around you anymore or whatever…”
Yup. You can do that.
6 Find and use your voice more
This was probably my favourite thing to do. Find and use my voice. I said NO a lot more, I said ‘you don’t have the right to talk to me like that’ a lot more. I said ‘please don’t disrespect me like that’ a lot more.
I didn’t put up with anyone’s bull anymore. Ever. At all. And I didn’t care if they liked it or not. Life wasn’t about them anymore. Life was all about me now.
You must learn how to not only use your voice but set firm and solid boundary lines so people won’t walk all over you like they have been for the last 10 or 20+ years.
If you don’t already, please go do this. I can’t talk enough about volunteering and how it completely changed my entire life. It’s also really good for your mental health too!
The new people you meet, the new opportunities it holds, the miracles that show up. You’ll be amazed. We heal and grow when we serve others.
Find an organization or something that calls to your heart (get on social media and ask around) and dedicate at least one hour a week to do it. Now if you don’t have one free hour a week to go volunteer then your life is a mess. Seriously.
8 Mind map
Oh how I love mind mapping. Ok listen. You are now starting a new life alone. You can do whatever the heck you want, no questions asked, no one to answer to. This is where mind mapping comes in.
I wrote this awesome blog on mind mapping awhile ago that I think you might like.
Mind mapping is similar to the vision board but so different in so many ways. Please read the blog above on mind mapping so you know how and why you need to do this.
You got goals, you got dreams, you need a plan!!
9 Stay off dating sites
Look I totally get how we can become lonely after a while but you need to spend time with yourself and be alone before you start looking for love again.
I mean, if you’re just looking for sex, then have it, but otherwise, don’t put yourself out there to find love because you are only going to attract what you just got rid of. Make sure your self love, self respect, self worth, self confidence and self esteem are rock solid before you date again.
Just looking out for you, babe xo
10 Learn something new
A language, knitting, swimming, playing piano, or whatever tickles your fancy. Learn something new. There are many free courses to be found online. Trust me, there are. Go see.
As we get older our brains age too. They’ve been doing the same thing for the last 50 or so years. Feed it something different. Wake it up and make it get excited about life. Just like you!
Starting a new life alone will be overwhelming
So when is the perfect time to start this new life and leave the old life behind? How about now.
How about I tell you that all good things will come when you’ve made the decision to let go of old things. A great way to do that is to just decide, right now, “I am starting this new chapter today!!”
The good news is we all get a second chance in life. If something didn’t work before, it’s up to you to change it so you can have a better life, a happy life.
The bad news is it will slightly frustrating and scary.
You will have many sad moments. You will have many “I can’t do this” moments. You will also have many lonely moments. Starting a new life alone is beautiful and exhilarating but it doesn’t come without struggles, sad moments, anxiety and frustrations.
It won’t be pretty all the time but it will be worth it.
In summary here are the 10 things you need to do when you are starting a new life alone
- believe in yourself
- make a list
- enjoy your company
- get out of your comfort zone
- make a list of things to ditch
- find and use your voice
- mind map
- stay off dating sites
- learn something new
You need to stay the course of change. Step out of your comfort zone and go do more things that bring you joy. You have to remember now, this is your life to live!!! It’s up to you, totally up to you, to create the life of your dreams.
If your life was crappy before, know that you now have the power to change that. ONLY you! Don’t hold back anymore babe.
xo iva xo