The Comparison Trap: How to Break Free and Live a Happier Life
I wonder, is it only women who do this, or do men do this too? Compare yourself to others. It’s such a negative, toxic trait.
Today, we’re going to discuss how to stop comparing yourself to others so you can stop being so hard on yourself and enjoy life! So many of us have been doing this all our lives. From an early age, we were told to “stop acting out,” or “be more like your sister/brother,” or “Why can’t you be like the girl down the street.”
We’ve always had that not good enough mentality, always been compared to siblings and neighbors, and we’ve forever been competing and comparing ourselves to others since then. Many of us sadly grew up with those toxic limiting beliefs. The rest of us may have picked them up as we got older and felt not good enough.
Whatever the case may be, I’m here to help you!
Why Do We Keep Comparing Ourselves to Others
The answer to this question might surprise you. In this age of social media, reels, TikTok videos, and YouTube shorts, it’s hard not to see all the filters and women who look stunning and gorgeous, even some without filters. “How can she look so beautiful at her age? Surely she must have had cosmetic surgery or something!!”
And then we start comparing ourselves to that beautiful woman. The internet is full of videos and images that make us feel we are old, ugly, fat, worthless, wrinkly and that we don’t matter anymore, and that we’re washed up and useless. I know that sounds harsh, but I’m just painting a picture here of what social media has done to so many of us.
But it’s not just our self-image but also our self-worth that goes through this. We feel not good enough, worthless like everyone else is better than us or farther ahead on their path than we are. It’s all toxic, not to mention that it sure does kick your self-confidence and self-esteem to the curb.
Who needs all that crap?
Women are so hard on themselves. We seriously need to be gentler with ourselves and more loving and compassionate. So why do you keep comparing ourselves to others? It’s all about self-worth, well, mostly. We want to be just as great, wealthy, beautiful, successful, well respected, well-liked, etc. as our neighbor and we feel we aren’t. We have put our values and worth up against Felicia, and we lost.
Or did we?
How Do We Stop Being So Jealous
So this is where it gets good. It doesn’t have to always be that way. Your self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth need a kick in the pants, and I’m happy to give it to you.
Confession time
There used to be a time when I compared myself to everyone and thought I was the biggest loser, and I was ugly and would never succeed or have a happy life. It was bad. I was pathetic. I had the worst self-esteem and self-worth you can possibly imagine.
But I started doing some inner work. Healing, if you will. I had so many a-ha moments. So many realizations. Light bulbs went off all over the place in my head, and I finally got it.
I’m going to share with you 7 tips to help you stop comparing yourself to others and to remind yourself that you are da bomb!
7 Tips to Stop the Comparison Trap
I hope these tips help you stop comparing yourself to others. Use these techniques any way you choose, but at least try them. Nothing will change in your life if you don’t make changes. And let’s face it, comparing ourselves to others all the time is life-sucking and exhausting. If we continue to do that, we will never be happy, and our entire life will be one big competition that no one even cares about.
Remember How Far You’ve Come
It’s easy to point at someone and think they are better than you, but chances are, they probably aren’t. Take a few minutes to look back at all you’ve accomplished and how much you’ve done in your life. List all the things, big and small. Read your list back to yourself, and then give yourself a big hug. You’re amazing!!! Don’t ever forget that.
Unplug From Social Media
If social media has become your nemesis, it may be time to do a little social media detox. If you find yourself getting irritated or jealous by some of the videos you are watching or the reels, it’s time to turn it off. Try to take at least one hour, more if you can, and disconnect from all social media. Instead, use that time to work on yourself. Meditating is great, as is yoga or simply going outside for a walk! There are a million other things you could be doing besides feeling like crap while scrolling through IG or Facebook. Do yourself a favor, set a timer to unplug, and do fun things!
Talk Out Your Feelings
Find a friend to talk to and discuss what you’re going through. She may either help you, or she may admit to feeling the same, and you end up both helping and empowering each other. Win-win!! Call a friend, and make a coffee date! When we hold things inside, they eventually become so toxic and unbearable to carry that we become full of anger, hate and resentment. Don’t do that. Get it all off your chest.
Try the Superhero Technique
Be your own superhero, minus the cape, of course (I mean, if you wanna wear the cape, who am I to stop you?). Look in the mirror and remind yourself how absolutely beautiful and magnificent you are. It’s fun, I promise, albeit a little awkward at first. Remind yourself of all the great things you’ve done. Do some positive self-talk mirror work. It really is empowering. You can look in the mirror and say to yourself something like this
“I know Felicia is awesome BUT so am I!!! We can both be awesome and amazing in our own unique ways” yourself!
A simple statement like that is very powerful. Try it. Thank me later!
Use Your Jealousy to Fuel Your Fire
This may sound a little odd and maybe even a tad bit catty, but trust me, it’s not! I think it may be called reverse psychology, which you do on yourself (or something like that!) If you think Felicia is all that and a bag of chips, then you can tell yourself that you can be just as great as her. Watch me! I can do those things, too! If she’s in shape and healthy, then you can use that as motivation to get into shape!! Start eating healthier, take more supplements, work out more, whatever! Use her as motivation and start taking action to improve your life!!!
Remind Yourself We All Have a Story
You can’t judge someone’s story by the chapter you walked in on. Read that line again. Everyone has a story, right? So do you. Not everyone had a beautiful story, actually, most likely, they didn’t. We don’t know the troubles they had to endure for them to get to where they are now. Don’t forget that. Someone out there is probably jealous of you and is comparing her life to yours. Sounds ridiculous, right? But it’s true. We all have a story that got us to where we are now. You can’t compare yourself to that person.
Write Yourself a Love Letter
Corny? Yes. Effective? Also yes. I love doing this and still, to this day, will write myself love letters if, for some reason, I’m feeling low or not so worthy. These are so therapeutic. We often forget the power of writing. I call it, bleeding ink. In your letter, write out all the amazing things about yourself, physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, all of it. Maybe you love your eyes or your laugh. Or maybe you like the way people love and trust you and can confide in you. Write it all out!!
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
I need you to know right now; you are amazing, you are awesome, and there is no one on the planet quite like you. The way you laugh, the nice things you do for others, your generous nature, your calm spirit, the twinkle in your eyes. I mean, need I go on? Stop comparing yourself to others. You are the most precious gift on earth. Each one of us is. You can’t compare gifts. They are all uniquely beautiful and wonderful.
