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For years I clung on too tightly to all the things, thoughts, and people that sucked the life out of me and made me miserable. I needed validation. I believed all these toxic things validated me.

They were all part of who I was, and I was sure their place in my life was necessary and permanent.

Boy, was I wrong.

Some of the things we hold on to the tightest are the exact things we need to let go of

But we hold on for dear life. Letting go means we’re on our own, and it is up to us to replace all this bad crap with good crap. And let’s be honest, that sounds like an awful lot of work.

It is a lot of work, but trust me when I tell you, it’s worth it.

10 Things you need to dump right now If You Want to Be Happy

In no order of importance, here are 10 things you need to dump right now if you want to be happy:

🟣 1 Being judgemental

If you judge people, you have no time to love them. Mother Teresa

The person you are pointing the finger at and sneering at may be the next person who helps you on the side of the road when your car breaks down or in the Walmart checkout line when you’re short $5.

The person you are pointing the finger at today may be having a really bad day, and you may be their only hope of having a good day, but instead, you snubbed your nose at them and judged them.

Stop. You’re not perfect.

🟡 2 Your crappy job

If your job is seriously sucking the life out of you and you dread the alarm every morning, it could be time to dump it.

But how Iva?

It’s not easy (if it were, everyone would do it), but it’s not impossible either. Do you know my story? In a nutshell:

I was a hairstylist for over 25 years, and by the last year, I hated everything about it. I can’t count how many clients I wanted to stab in the back of the head because I just hated my job so much, and everything and everyone was getting on my last nerve.

It was soul-sucking.

Know what I did?

I figured out how to do something else with the skills I had so I could be my own boss. So I became a freelance writer-skills I learned from writing in my diary/gratitude journal and writing goodbye letters to ex-boyfriends. I kid you not.

You got mad skills too. Get on Google and figure out how to make money with them.

I guarantee you, someone somewhere is already making a living doing what you only dream of doing with the skills you already have.

Read that again.

🔵 3 Terrible eating habits

Did you know…? Your diet plays a huge role in your emotional, mental, and, of course, physical state. Surprise!! Did you also know that sugar is the devil? Please don’t throw rotten tomatoes at me. I love sugar just as much as the next person, but it’s so damaging!!!!

While a healthy diet can help improve your mood, a diet high in added sugar and processed foods may increase your chances of developing depression. Healthline.com

But it’s not just sugar. There are so many other foods that you are probably eating right now that are messing with you emotionally and mentally, too. Do some research. You’ll be shocked.

It’s not that hard to find good substitutes for your favourite foods. I’ve been doing it now for almost 2 years, and at almost 60 years old, I’ve never felt better.

🟠 4 Self-doubt

You are good enough, you are smart enough, you are beautiful enough, you are awesome enough…YOU ARE ENOUGH.

Sadly, so many of us feel

  • unworthy,
  • useless,
  • like losers,
  • like failures,
  • like we’re not pretty enough
  • helpless and hopeless

You are the most amazing creature on the planet (next to a puppy 🐾🐾). There is no one else like you. That’s incredible, all on its own.

You can totally do the hard things. You’re smart enough. I mean, gosh, you’ve already survived 100% of all the shit life has thrown at you so far. YAY you!!

You might also really like these articles from my site

🟢 5 Toxic thoughts

Worry warts, raise your hand, and say, “Aye.” So worrying is toxic, in case you didn’t know. It’s a complete and utter waste of time, mental resources, and energy.


Toxic thoughts also include pessimism and negative thinking. Any thought that isn’t a good thought or one that brings you joy is toxic. Ok, so that may sound a little toxic positive, and I get that we all have bad days. Don’t convolute the message.

This one is for those of you who worry and think negative, toxic thoughts ALL the time. Cut it out. Not only are you ruining your life and probably everyone around you, but you’re killing your chances of actually having joy and happiness.

Seriously. Stop it.

🔴 6 Your unhealthy relationship

This is a tough one. Sorry, not sorry. Relationships are also things we hold on to the tightest that we need to let go of. We hang on to toxic partners and conditional love.

Yes, it may be hard to leave your unhealthy relationship. No, it’s not impossible.

I left my toxic relationship with nothing to my name. No job, no money, no belongings, nada, AND I had just declared bankruptcy and closed up my salon.

Hello, rock bottom.

But I just couldn’t stay with him another day. He had beat me down emotionally so badly that I was a zombie. One day I snapped and left.

Don’t settle for crappy chocolate or crappy men/women. Ever. You are worth way more than what you give yourself credit for.

🟣 7 Toxic so-called friends

You know the ones I’m talking about. They’re kinda your friend, but kinda not because you don’t really like them, but you hang out with them anyway because ‘they’re not that bad.’

If your friends are:

  • negative
  • gossipy
  • judgemental
  • materialistic
  • close-minded
  • narcissistic
  • self-absorbed
  • manipulative/controlling/bullies

You’re hanging around the wrong kind of people.

Dump them. All of them who have any or all of these traits. Why would you want to be around low-vibing energy like that? Yuck.

Go find like-minded people, fun people, kind people, warm, nice people. They’re out there.

🟡 8 Whining and complaining

Please stop doing that. The more you whine and complain, the more things will show up in your life to whine and complain about.

How about start showing gratitude for all the things you have now and stop complaining about stupid shit because most of the things we complain about are stupid.

A grateful heart is a magnet for miracles.

Next time you catch yourself whining about something, stop yourself and find 3 things to be grateful for, and then watch how things change. You’re welcome.

🟢 9 Social Media

Hold up. I’m not saying get rid of social media right now and your life will magically transform and be better. I mean, you can if you want, but you don’t have to go to such extremes.

Instead, how about a social media detox every now and then, and not just when you’re sleeping?

It could be an hour a day or 3 hours a week. Something. Anything. Just take a break, for God’s sake. There is so much negativity on social media these days it makes me cringe.

Take a few minutes and fine-tune your feeds so you only see uplifting stories and fun things, not all that toxic crap the news spews out all the time. It’s soul-sucking.

🟡 Holding on to Grudges

Much like toxic thoughts, holding on to grudges really only hurts you and sucks the happy right out of you. Yet so many of us still do it. We hold on to all the anger and hurt and pain that was caused many years ago by people who probably don’t even matter anymore.

It’s time to let go. Release, breathe.

And while it may be hard to let go of all this anger, it’s not impossible. Write a truth letter to the person who hurt you, get it all out on paper and then burn it. You can follow up that up with a simple act of forgiveness.

And then, be free.

Can you see the pattern here?

Dump everything toxic that doesn’t bring you joy.

Dump everything toxic that sucks the life out of you.

Dump your crappy relationship. Get rid of your negative soul-sucking friends

Clear your mind of all those ridiculous limiting beliefs.

Go pet a puppy. 🐾🐾

Ok, I just threw that last one in for good measure. But seriously. Go do that.

This is your one and only life. You get to choose how you live it. You can either choose to have toxic things, and people control and ruin it …


You can take control and start making changes. What are you choosing?

ox iva xo

Author: Iva Ursano

Title: Writer

Expertise: Anti-Aging, Mental Health

Iva is a 60-something woman, originally from Northern Ontario, Canada, who now resides in sunny Guatemala. She helps women over 50 love the skin they're in and empowers them to live their best lives ever. When she's not blogging, she's out on her scooter feeding and rescuing street dogs.  

You can also check out her amazing eStore here. It is full of powerful self-help eBooks, personal development courses, and so much more—ALL at affordable prices!

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  1. Iva, you are right on!
    I’m a 75 year old retired music educator and professional musician who has finally found happiness.
    After a divorce and a failed relationship I dumped my old life.
    My kids turned their backs on me because I finally found a great male partner/best friend. It’s NEVER too late to step back, assess the situation and make changes for yourself.
    Thank you for your advice!

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