How to Deal With Trust Issues: 7 Steps to Let Go of the Past and Move On

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I’ll be the first to admit that I have serious trust issues. Having been raised by unloving and abusive parents and then later on moving into toxic relationships with abusive partners, narcissism, etc., well, you get the idea. I don’t trust anyone.

Well, I never used to. I’m getting better at it, but it’s been a long, slow journey, and keep in mind, I’m 63 years old, so there’s that.

Learning how to deal with trust issues hasn’t been easy for me. When you’ve spent much of your life being hurt, lied to, betrayed, or let down by the people who were supposed to love you, trusting anyone can feel almost impossible.

Why Women Have Trust Issues

Ok, this is probably a no-brainer, but women have trust issues because we’ve been lied to, betrayed, cheated on, and abused most of our lives. We literally don’t believe anything that anyone tells us anymore.

I know it’s sad, not to mention a crappy way to live.

It’s hard to enter into a new relationship or meet someone new and not suspect every single word they say is a lie. What a way to live, right?

But that’s the reality of it. Fortunately, there is a way to overcome this, and today, I’m going to share how to get over trust issues. I hope it helps you.

First, I want to touch a little bit on trust issues in a relationship.

Trust Issues in a Relationship

I’ll be honest, I think this is the worst. When you’re in a relationship and you don’t trust your partner. I’ve been there. Haven’t we all? He lied once, and then boom. All trust went right out the window.

But that’s how it works. That’s what dishonesty does to a person. It leaves a bad taste in our mouths, and we no longer trust our partner.

I’m no relationship expert, but in my previous relationships, I’ve always just forgiven my partner after he lied or cheated and carried on with the relationship like nothing ever happened.

The problem with that is I never trusted him afterward. Ever.

And I lost trust in every man after that. I’m working on that still to this day. I’m way ahead of where I was before. I think it’s important to work on this trauma, and yes, it’s trauma.

Signs of Trust Issues

Here are a few signs of trust issues, in case you’re not sure if you have any.

always questioning your partner’s/someone’s whereabouts and actions
the need to check someone’s phone to read messages, etc.
feeling anxious when that person goes out without you
assuming the worst
fear of abandonment
you tend to isolate

Do you recognize any of these signs? If so, you may have issues with trusting people. Recognizing them is often the first step in learning how to deal with trust issues and working toward overcoming them.

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How to Deal With Trust Issues

So, this is what I have done to work on my trust issues. What works for me may not work for everyone, so bear that in mind, but the least I can do is offer you some tips on how to deal with trust issues.

1 Forgiveness Matters

I chose to forgive everyone who has betrayed me. While that doesn’t necessarily deal with the issue of trust per se, it does help with the emotional anxiety being betrayed has caused.

One thing I discovered is that many women blame themselves for being betrayed. “I should have known better,” or “I should have never let him back.” Beating yourself up does no good.

Forgive the person who hurt you and let it go. You’ll feel so much freer afterward. If you have a hard time with forgiving people, you might really like my eBook on forgiveness.

2 Share Your Thoughts and Feelings

Sometimes, and this is a big sometimes, when you tell the person who betrayed you how it makes you feel, they may apologize, but they also may take steps to change their deceitful behavior.

People don’t know how you feel unless you tell them. Let them know how hurt you felt and that trust will be a big issue now. It may be the wake-up call they need.

If they make no effort to understand or change their ways, it may be time to rethink this relationship, whether it’s a friendship or a romantic partner.

3 See Their Side

It’s important to understand why this person felt a need to have to lie to you. Do you make them uncomfortable? Now, I’m not saying that to say it’s all your fault, but think about the last few times the person did tell the truth about something.

Did it really piss you off and cause a huge argument? What was the issue? Are you hard to talk to? Some of us are, and that’s just the reality of it.

Dig deep and get to the bottom of why this person is deceitful and then perhaps together you can work on a solution to this behavior.

4 Inner Healing

We have to realize that not everyone we meet is a liar and is out to deceive us. This thought pattern comes from our previous trauma, and it’s often a trauma response.

Part of learning how to deal with trust issues is doing some inner healing work to mend your trust issues and your belief that everyone is out to betray you. They aren’t.

You might really like this article on inner child healing exercises.

5 Give the Benefit of the Doubt

This will be hard to do, but try to remember that some people really do want to change and don’t mean to hurt other people. It could be a trauma response that they’re dealing with, too.

It’s ok to give someone the benefit of the doubt and give them another chance. We all need someone to believe in us while we heal.

You can be that person for someone. I have been many times, and it’s ok. If they deceive you again, then you have to decide whether or not you want to keep this person in your life. It could be time to let go.

6 Talk to a Professional

There’s no harm in doing this, and some of us have such deep-seated trust issues; the only way to correct them is to get help and speak to a professional.

If you’re struggling to figure out how to deal with trust issues on your own, talking to someone can help you understand where those feelings come from and how to work through them.

It’s important to understand that this is something you need to do for yourself and your own inner healing work. You certainly don’t want to spend the rest of your life never trusting anyone again. That’s no way to live.

There are free helplines on the internet, or you could ask in your friend group if anyone knows a good therapist to talk to.

Here’s a link to a great organization I’ve worked with and recommend.

7 Be Gentle With Yourself

While having trust issues can be stressful and exhausting, it’s good to be gentle with yourself. Remind yourself that it’s ok not to trust people and it’s ok to feel the way you do. BUT you can’t stay in that mistrusting place, and you can’t be hard on yourself for feeling the way you do.

Learning how to deal with trust issues doesn’t happen overnight. It can take time, especially if you’ve spent years being lied to, betrayed, or hurt by people.

Take time for self-care and self-love. A ‘me’ day is always a good remedy!

Take time to do things that bring you joy and help you build your inner trust again. Go talk to a stranger, do something kind for someone, volunteer, etc. Little things like that make a big difference in your self-worth, believe it or not.

Journaling is also very therapeutic and great for your mental health. You can write yourself a love letter or write a truth letter to the person who betrayed you. Either way, it’s good to let it all out.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I fix my trust issues?

The first thing to do is recognize you have trust issues, find out where they stem from, and then work towards fixing them. Learning how to deal with trust issues starts with understanding where those feelings come from. The tips above will help a lot!

Are trust issues a red flag?

If you’re dealing with someone who has trust issues, it can be a red flag. If they are not prepared to fix them, you will spend the entire relationship in doubt, which isn’t good for anyone.