Growing up, I never realized my mother was a narcissist. As children, we just think that’s how moms are. It wasn’t until a few years ago, when one of my sisters called our mother a narcissist, that it clicked. To this day, I still don’t know if she even loved us or not.
A narcissistic mother can make life extremely challenging for her children.
Adult children who were raised by narcissistic mothers suffer a great deal of trauma and constantly have to manage triggers. Today, I want to share 15 narcissistic mother traits to help you understand and recognize why you may be the way you are today.
15 narcissistic mother traits
Here are 15 of the most common traits of a narcissistic mother. Do you recognize any of these toxic traits in your mother? If you do, I feel your pain.
It’s sad to think we were raised by a person like this who is supposed to love us, encourage us, support us, and nurture us when, in fact, all she did was damage us mentally and emotionally.
She denies everything
A narcissistic mother will never accept blame for anything she’s done. She’ll deny everything and more than likely turn things around and direct the blame to her children.
She will never admit she was wrong.
Constantly undermines you
There is no way that a narcissistic mother will praise you or give you support or encouragement in any achievement you’ve accomplished. She will find a way to undermine you and make it seem that your efforts were wasted or you are not as successful as you think you are.
She would hate to think that you can actually succeed and perhaps even be better or smarter than her.
They lack empathy
These women have 0 empathy for you, their family, or even their friends. They don’t care about your feelings or if anyone is hurt or sad. They do not have the capacity to show empathy to anyone.
They only care about their feelings.
Try to control your life
Most narcissists think they are in total control of their lives, but the fact is, they have absolutely no control over their own lives, which is why they try to control yours.
They will do whatever they can to control you and make you feel like you don’t know what you’re doing in life.
She manipulates your emotions
If she suspects you’re hurt or sad, she’ll make sure to manipulate your emotions to the point where you believe your feelings are no longer valid and are unwarranted.
She may even make you believe that whatever is wrong is all your fault and you caused your own pain.
She’s constantly belittling you
Narcissistic mothers are bullies, plain and simple, and they will go to great lengths to belittle you, put you down in front of others, even your friends, and make you feel worthless. This gives them power.
They think nothing of degrading you at every chance they can get.
She uses guilt against you
This woman will guilt trip you into believing anything, regardless of how right or wrong. They will use guilt any chance they get if they feel they are losing power or control over you.
This guilt-tripping tactic gives them power over you.
Shows little interest in your life
She doesn’t care about what’s happening in your life, be it your school work, friends, love life, etc. She has no interest in your achievements or successes either.
If she showed interest, it would give the illusion that she cares, and she doesn’t.
She’s aggressive and sometimes physically violent
She is extremely aggressive, and this can sometimes turn into physical violence. Narcissists don’t know how to control or show their own emotions. Because of this lack of control, they turn to anger.
Anger is a fear-based response.
Destroys your relationships
If she thinks you are happy or enjoying life, she’ll make sure to put a damper on that. She doesn’t want you to be happy. If you are, that’s because an outside force/person/thing has made you happy, which means she has lost control over you.
She’ll have none of that.
She is emotionally abusive
She will hurt your feelings every turn and every chance she gets. She’ll make sure to remind you how stupid you are, how she regrets having you, etc. They thrive on bullying and hurting people.
It gives them power as they are sure you will do everything you can to make things right for them.
She is very selfish
It’s all about her and her needs, her happiness, etc. She expects everyone to do everything for her, and she does nothing for anyone.
She takes and takes and never gives back.
She’s never wrong
Don’t even try to tell her she’s wrong. The narcissistic mother is never wrong, even when she is. Admitting that she’s wrong will make her feel less of a person and give her less power over you.
That will never happen.
She’s a liar
She’ll lie about everything, anything, and nothing as long as it makes her look good and you look bad. She feels no guilt or shame about lying, and if you even try to call her out on it, you lose.
She will never take responsibility for her actions, so she’ll lie about them.
Oblivious to other people’s feelings
You have feelings and emotions. Needs and desires. Too bad. She doesn’t care about any of your feelings or anyone else’s feelings. And she’ll say mean and hurtful things to embarrass you and could not care less about how that makes you feel or anyone else.
She’ll do that with anyone. It just doesn’t matter to her.
Final thoughts on traits of a narcissistic mother
Were you raised by a narcissistic mother? Do any of these narcissistic mother traits sound familiar?
The problem with being raised by a woman like this is there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it or her. As an adult, you can choose to limit spending time with her or completely remove her from your life. Hurt people hurt people, so chances are, she was hurt as a young child and is projecting her pain and anger onto you.
It’s important to know that you’re not the problem; she is. While the trauma isn’t your fault, the healing is your responsibility.
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