I honestly don’t know if it’s a combination of menopause and midlife crisis or what but there are many times I just feel like I’m not good enough. You too? Today I want to share 11 tips with you to help you stop thinking you’re not good enough.
And then you’ll feel happier with more self confidence, self worth, self esteem and self love!
As we get older, for some reason we feel worthless, like we’re not enough.
My hope is that by the time you finish reading this article, you will indeed feel good enough, that it will eliminate those icky feelings of low self-worth and it will boost your confidence!
You know, I think most of us are on our own now, either divorced or widowed, empty nesters, retired from our jobs, etc. You get the idea. We feel like we’ve done our jobs as wives, moms, workers and now what’s left for us to do?
We don’t feel like we belong anywhere. Maybe our friends are still married or still working. We just feel lost, lonely and hopeless in this big world. It’s a scary feeling.
Many of us are starting over alone and feel lost, lonely and scared.
Let’s talk about all this now. Grab your favourite bevvie and let’s get started.
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When I start having feelings of not being good enough I do many things on this list. Still to this day.
When I hit rock bottom back in 2012 I had suicidal thoughts and my life was a mess. I felt like the biggest loser on the planet.
I thank God daily that I’m not dead and I did do the healing work required to get through those tough times.
It wasn’t easy. It was ugly and messy but I did it. I know you can too.
Why I Feel Like I’m Not Good Enough?
If this isn’t one of the worst feelings in the world, then I don’t know what is. Never feeling good enough is emotionally and mentally exhausting. We’re constantly questioning ourselves:
“Why do I not feel good enough?”
“Why do I feel worthless?”
“Why do I feel ugly and worthless?”
It can be depressing. I can’t tell you how many times those thoughts ran through my mind. At one point I was sure I should just give up and call it a day. Life, or should I say midlife, was starting to suck the life out of me.
When you don’t feel good enough or you feel worthless, when you have all those feelings of inadequacy, it takes away all your motivation to want to do anything or be around anyone. You suddenly feel like people don’t want to be around you because of your unworthiness.
FYI-that’s all in your head.
But depression in midlife sets in and if you’ve never had depression before, it can be crippling. You don’t know who to talk to. You think no one will understand you. You feel so alone and helpless.
If you do need and want someone to talk to. or feel you need professional help, please reach out to one of the amazing therapists over at online therapy.com. They are truly awesome and I’m proud to have partnered with them.
What Happens To Your Self-Esteem When You Don’t Feel Good Enough?
The feeling of worthlessness is not only heavy but very damaging if you don’t get a grip on it soon.
So many of us suffer with so many self limiting beliefs and what happens is that our self confidence and self esteem, not to mention our self worth, takes a beating and for some, our will to live goes away.
This is why it is of the utmost importance to deal with it and heal from it as soon as you recognize you are starting to feel worthless.
Because our society is youth based, as we age we start to feel invisible.
Our youth-obsessed society is not always kind to aging women. Like many women, you may feel invisible once you reach middle age. You may feel pressure to mask the signs of advancing age.Source Healthline
The struggle is real. We are no longer youthful and fitting in is not an option. Not only that, trying to fit in validates our limiting belief that we are not good enough exactly as we are.
And social media doesn’t help. So many young beautiful women on there strutting their stuff (and good for them!!) that all that just makes us feel old and worthless. I think limiting what’s in your feed on Facebook and IG is a really good idea.
And it’s not hard to do that.
Try to not obsess over certain posts or videos that come across your feed. It’s so easy to start feeling sorry for yourself “oh I’m not hot like anymore” or “oh I’m not young and beautiful or desirable anymore”.
Maybe you aren’t and I’m not going to sugarcoat this and lick your wounds. What I will tell you is this: you are beautiful JUST THE WAY YOU ARE in more ways than you can even know!
I know those words probably don’t mean much to you now, hence this post on how to stop thinking you’re not good enough, when I’m here to tell you, you damn well are!!
So now I want to share with you 11 things you need to remind yourself of when you feel worthless or not good enough and also a few tips and tricks to try to help you out of your icky feelings.
You might also really like these articles from this site:
11 Ways to Stop Thinking You’re Not Good Enough
I share these 11 ways to stop thinking you’re not good enough with you in hopes that next time that feeling comes across your mind, you will remember these and remind yourself that YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH, just the way you are.
I know sometimes when I look at my aging face in the mirror I feel ugly and worthless and I have to do some serious positive talk. Trust me, it works!!
So it’s important for us to stop all those negative feelings and negative self-talk before it takes control of our minds and our emotional health. Please remember, you are in control of mind, thoughts, feelings, reactions, actions and your mental health. No one else.
The most important thing to remember is it’s up to you to make the decision to change and grow. That’s the first step in personal growth!
1 Our minds offer us negative thoughts
As human beings, it’s important to remember that our brain offers us all kinds of thoughts daily. Some are not so nice. Don’t we wish all our thoughts can be positive?
But they aren’t. The problem is is that we have a hard time figuring out how to best manage these toxic thoughts.
Next time you have that thought I want you to stop thinking you’re not good enough and tell yourself this, “Ok, this thought could be true but what else could be true?” Then think of some positive thoughts to counteract that one. Thoughts like “I’m a great neighbour to Mary” or “I’m a really good cook and I love cooking for my friends” will put a smile on your face.
We’re not perfect and of course we are going to have some negative thoughts come across our minds every now and then. You just can’t let them stay. Don’t encourage them to take up too much space.
You have to control your mind and those thoughts and switch them up immediately. Check out this video from my YouTube channel on how to do that quickly and effectively!
Someone somewhere is thinking of you and smiling
Try this: Next time your brain offers you a negative thought stop it immediately and offer it 3 positive ones.
2 No one’s perfect
Why do we compare ourselves to everyone else thinking that someone else has the most perfect life and ours is crap? That’s so not true.
Our inner critic will tell us something like this: “Well look at how awesome Peggy’s life is compared to yours. You’re such a loser”. I know. It’s pathetic.
I have a newsflash for you. Peggy’s life isn’t perfect.
We often expect so much from ourselves and we neglect to look around and realize that no one’s perfect. We’re all doing the best we can with what we know and have. You are perfect just the way you are and you don’t need to change or ‘fit in’ to feel worthy.
You are good enough, just the way you are.
Try this: When you find yourself feeling not so perfect remind yourself that no one is. We all have faults, make mistakes and have doubts about ourselves.
3 Live in the moment
I know that sounds so cliche but living in the past doesn’t serve you and looking ahead to how ‘horrible and lonely’ you think your future is going to be doesn’t serve you either. Be right here, right now.
Can you imagine if we all lived in the past and kept regurgitating all our mistakes and shortcomings? Oy what a world that would be. Those feelings of shame and defeat do not serve you today. Let them go.
There’s a great quote by Lao Tzu that goes like this:
If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.Lao Tzu
Stop beating yourself up over yesterday. Find something to do today that brings your heart joy. I’m not gonna tell you it’s going to be easy but it’s not impossible either.
Happiness is yours to create right now
Try this: When you feel a negative emotion coming on that stems from a memory of the past, get up and go for a walk, get some fresh air, pet a puppy or a dog, go for a car ride, do anything. Just stop that emotion.
4 Stop comparing yourself to others
We all do it. Even I still do sometimes. This is the worst use of your time and energy. We all got to where we are now through different ways. Do you know the road Peggy had to travel to get to where she is now? It was most likely long, messy and hard.
Remember earlier I said no one’s perfect? Read that again and stop thinking you’re not good enough because you think Peggy has a way better life than you do. She probably doesn’t. It only looks good on the outside.
People will only show you the good. No one is out there showing off all the bad things in their lives. We all like to pretend our lives are perfect. They aren’t.
Try this: Next time you find you are comparing yourself to Peggy say this either out loud or whisper it – “We are all amazing in our own unique ways”.
5 You’re not alone
Call up a close friend or best friend and talk to her about how you’re feeling. Chances are, she probably has days where she feels not good enough too.
Bounce ideas and thoughts off each other. Friends offer free therapy!
Maybe she has good tools to help her get through this and she can help you too. Or maybe the two of you together can start doing something fun that will give you back your self worth and help with your low self-esteem issues.
Many women your age share these feelings with you. You might want to try to find some support groups in your area perhaps if you just moved and have no friends yet.
Keep in mind that no one can read your mind. This means that if you don’t tell anyone how you’re feeling then no one can help you. And trust me when I tell you, people sincerely do want to help.
Try this: Call up your friend next time you find yourself in a negative way. Tell her you are sad and you need to talk or get out of the house. If she can’t help, find another one!
6 Find the good
Each and every one of us has good in us, even though you might not be able to see it so clearly right now. But you do have good. We all do.
And while this may be hard to do when we are at a low point, I can’t stress enough how important it is to do this exercise. If we don’t stop the negative thoughts and feelings, they will control you. We don’t want that. At all!!
It’s easy to fall into a deep dark hole, a slump if you will, and wallow in self pity. Trust me, I know how easy it is to fall there and want to stay there. But you can’t and please don’t.
Take back control of your emotions, your mind, feelings and thoughts. You can do it. I love to write out things when I feel bad. It helps me put things into perspective.
Try this: Sit down with a pen and maybe your favourite journal stop thinking you’re not good enough and write out all the things you love about yourself. You can read it back for added inspiration.
7 Find support groups in your area
While this might not quickly help you to stop thinking you’re not good enough, what it will do is connect you with other women your age so you can have some emotional support.
Remember, many women this age are feeling the same way you are! We all need support.
Maybe you have some family members who are also going through the same thing. Open up a conversation about this with them and find out! If you don’t ask, the answer will always be no.
When we are around different people, instead of just our normal friends and family, we can pick up other quick tips and maybe even some good vibes! Make a new friend or two. But you have to get out of your comfort zone for this to happen.
Try this: You can check Facebook groups in your area, the local library or even your church to see if there are support groups with women your age.
8 Write out positive affirmations
Very cliché, I know, but it works! Hear me out on this one. If we keep telling ourselves negative things about ourselves, we will eventually start believing all that BS but if you positive self-talk, well, guess what, you’ll start believing that too.
When I first hit rock bottom in my life and self worth, self esteem, self confidence and all that, the first thing I did was write out positive affirmations and other feel good things about myself and read them all the time.
Daily!! Hourly!! Whenever I had to.
For a long time I had convinced myself I was a loser and a failure and as I got older, those thoughts just got worse. I finally figured out how to boost my self-esteem and self confidence and it was by doing this, among many other things.
Positive thinking does work!
Try this: Get some post-it notes and write out super good things about yourself and stick them all over your house, wherever you can see them all the time and then read them out loud!!
9 Feel all the feels
I know this probably sounds counter intuitive but I want you to feel all the feels, even the negative ones and listen to your body. Where do you feel them?
A lot of our negative thoughts come from past relationships, meaning, limiting beliefs plugged in from a toxic partner. These hurtful comments and remarks are a reflection of them, not you. Don’t forget that.
Hurt people hurt people. In order to stop thinking you’re not good enough, it’s important to remember we aren’t the person we were 5, 10 or 25 years ago and the people in our lives then, more than likely a previous relationship, were probably toxic and hurtful.
Anyway, in my opinion, the only way to heal from the past is to go through it instead of burying it all the time. That won’t heal anything. You need to find the pain, where did it come from, who is it from, and start healing it.
Try this: I love writing stuff out. Next time you feel crappy write out exactly how you feel, why you feel like this and then gently remind yourself this was from the past and we don’t live there anymore.
This sounds like a no brainer as we all know exercise is good for us, not just physically but emotionally too.
Exercise increases levels of serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain, just like medications can. Exercise improves and helps regulate neurotransmitter levels, which ultimately helps us feel mentally healthy.Source: permanentemedicine.com
You don’t have to belong to a fancy gym if you can’t afford it and please don’t use money as an excuse to not exercise. There are literally thousands of free videos on YouTube to watch.
Try this: Not so much into exercising or lifting weights/working out? Go for a walk, get some Vitamin D and some fresh air. Just move, somehow, someway!
11 Do something kind or compassionate for someone
I’m a huge advocate of volunteering and doing random acts of kindness for others. In my opinion, there is no better way to make yourself feel good and worthy! I think this is a great way to boost your self worth.
If you’re having a really bad day, go volunteer or help a homeless person or whatever.
I found that when I was drowning in pity the one and only positive thing that really helped me was helping others. That’s when I found my place at the homeless shelter and my own life changed so drastically.
When we learn to serve others, which I feel is one of the best ways to add value to your life, you actually start to become a better version of yourself and you will feel like a million dollars. I’m not even joking.
Try this: Find an organization that calls to your heart and see if you can volunteer some time there. If not, simply help people every time you are out and about and see someone in need!
To Stop Thinking You’re Not Good Enough Requires Hard Work
I still have days when I don’t think I’m good enough. Often I’ll catch myself thinking thoughts like:
“Well who are you to offer advice to midlife women?” or
“Well why should anyone want to buy your books?” or this one which is my least favourite
“Well what makes you so special?”
See, I still have those thoughts but I have learned to stop thinking you’re not good enough thoughts, challenge them and turn them into a positive thought. Please do that next time you have negative thoughts.
Never Feeling Good Enough Helps Build Strength of Character
I know that sounds weird but hear me out.
So many people never deal with their toxic behaviours or thoughts. They just live with them and let them consume them. But you’re here right now reading this and learning how to let go of toxic thoughts.
Many of us still suffer from imposter syndrome. Then there are those of us who hide from all our pain in hopes that it will go away. It doesn’t and it won’t until you face it head on.
Which is what you’re doing now. And this is growth mindset babe. This helps us become the strong women we are today.
That’s huge!! You seriously need to give yourself a big hug for recognizing these negative thoughts and taking action on correcting them.
So many don’t.
This is making you a stronger better person. One who will know, without a doubt, that she is good enough and she is worthy! You’ll see!
Learn to Love Life and Enjoy Your Time Here!
I mean my God, you’re alive!! You’re here. You have eyes to see this, internet to read this, a roof over your head, friends and family who love you. Gosh, need I go on?
It’s so important to just embrace the little things and appreciate the fact you are alive and here and someone somewhere needs you and is happy you are alive.
Not all areas of your life may be awesome but you can’t say your entire life, or you, is horrible because I won’t believe you.
We all have some good in our lives. Each and every one of us and if you want to stop thinking you’re not good enough just remember this – you’re here, you’re alive and you’re a gift to the world.
Whether you believe that or not, you are.