Do you still have the same friends you had in high school or the neighbourhood/town you grew up in? What about friends from your past/present relationships? Jobs? I have one. One woman I can truly call my friend.
And I feel like now that I’m over 60, making new friends isn’t something I have the energy for. Friendships after 60 are different.
I don’t know about you, but for me, I feel like I’m stuck somewhere between “I should go make new friends” and “I’m fine alone here with my cats.”
Don’t get me wrong – there are days when I wish I had a good friend to talk to about life, aging, loneliness and other things that pop up. The question is: do I have many of those days to make me want to try making new friends?
The answer? Not really.
So, let’s talk about friendships after 60. I’d love for you to share how you feel about it in the comments.
why friendships after 60 are different
Honestly, I don’t think it’s just that friendships after 60 are different or harder. I’M different. I’ve changed. So much about me has changed that I barely recognize myself anymore.
You know, when I was younger, and by younger I mean between 30 and 50, I had different categories of friends. There were:
- work friends
- gym friends
- bar friends
- old school friends, and
- even some online friends (Facebook)
But all those friendships have changed. And the funny thing about it all is that I’m totally ok with it. I’m of the mindset that people come into your life for a season and a reason, not forever.
Why Making Friends Feels Harder Now
I’ll be honest. I’m sort of trying. Once a month, a group of women here in my town get together for lunch and camaraderie. I like it well enough. The first couple of times, I even tried ‘making friends’ with a couple of the gals.
I failed miserably at that. Why? Because I didn’t try hard enough, nor did I care to. I do have one dear friend here whom I try to see once a week.
When you are younger, friendships are easy. School, work, raising kids, and hobbies all give you plenty of opportunities to meet people. By the time you hit 60, though, life looks different and making new friends takes effort that many of us simply don’t have.
Starting over with someone new also means telling your story again, figuring out if you can trust them, and hoping you actually click. It’s exhausting before you even get started.
My, how you’ve changed
It’s not just how we’ve changed but also how we look at things, too. We have different views and opinions on life, religion, politics, our give a shit meter is busted, I mean, there are so many things about us that are so different.
The way we look at friendships is different, too. Many of us lose patience with drama, games, and one-sided relationships. Peace is more important than popularity now, and that makes us more choosy about who we spend time with.
Being choosy is good, but it also means fewer friends.
when interests no longer match
Personal story time. I had many work friends when I lived in Canada. We hung out a lot, went out a lot, spent 5-6 days a week with each other for 8-9 hours. It was great.
I also had a lot of entrepreneurial business friends from when I owned a salon. I had friends from all walks of life, all with different interests, all fun and interesting.
And then I moved to Guatemala and everything changed.
Out of all those aforementioned friends, I have one left. She gets me, even though I’m now thousands of miles away.
My life has changed so much. I’m not a hairstylist anymore, I don’t do gossip or drama anymore, and I spend my spare time feeding street dogs and helping poor families in the town I live in. My values, morals and priorities have changed.
Sometimes, the friends you have had for decades are no longer interested in the same things you are. They may be wrapped up in grandkids or hobbies you do not share. You grow apart.
And that happens a lot to friendships after 60. And that’s ok.
I don’t really go out of my way to try to form new bonds with women here. My sisters back home are my friends, I have one worky friend, and my one friend left from back home, and for the most part, I’m totally fine with that.
when loneliness sets in
So, here we are in our 60s, we no longer have the friends we had before, and we’re torn between feeling lonely and sad and being content alone. Part of you wants friends, the other part doesn’t. It creates a strange push and pull, where you want connection but are not sure you have the energy to pursue it.
Solitude can feel freeing after years of constant social interaction. At the same time, loneliness can creep in when you least expect it. I still get lonely some days. Not gonna lie.
I believe human connection is important for your mental health.
Though you may not have the desire or energy to make new friends, you should still try to reach out to people for conversation and mental stimulation. You can find great groups for people over 60 on Reddit, Facebook and Quora, just to name a few places.
If you’re up for getting out of the house and mingling in person, check out your local library, church or grocery store bulletin board (wait, do those still exist?) for meetups in your area, and if you can’t find one, create one!
The reality of friendships after 60
The truth is that friendships after 60 do not look like they did 10, 20 or even 30 years ago. That is not necessarily a bad thing. It is a sign of growth and self-awareness. It’s a sign that you’re content in the skin you’re in, and that’s a good thing!
Many of us don’t have the mental bandwidth to deal with the ‘Hi, how are you my name is Iva what are your interests are you retired how many grandchildren…bla bla bla’. We just don’t have it in us anymore.
We’re done, we’re tired.
I feel as long as you do your best to stay active and healthy, get out every now and then and socialize, prioritize your mental health and well-being as well as your physical health, you’re going to be just fine!
You may end up with fewer people in your circle, but the ones who made it there now will matter more. And when we’ve learned to appreciate and love who we are and enjoy our company, well, that is the greatest friendship of all.
