If you are struggling to survive yet another incident of infidelity after an affair your spouse had, you are likely wrestling with intense emotions of despair and anguish. You may not know what to do, or you may struggle with the idea of having to learn to trust your cheating partner yet again.
Surviving infidelity after an affair is a difficult process that takes time to be done correctly. If you want to recover from this painful incident mentally, spiritually, and emotionally, here are a few positive steps you can take.
10 Ways to deal with a cheating partner
Take Time Alone
Taking time for yourself is the first step to recovering from infidelity. While your cheating partner lives in the same house as you do, you need to take care to distance yourself from him and nurture your soul by listening to comforting music, expressing yourself through art, or doing anything that soothes you and puts you on the path toward recovery.
Taking this time for yourself to mourn is the first step to recovering from your spouse’s infidelity.
Think About the Implications of Your Spouse’s Actions
Your spouse did what he/she did for a reason, and if this is the second time it has happened, you need to consider your relationship and what the future holds. You have likely already wrestled with recovery the first time your spouse was unfaithful; now, you need to determine if this relationship is worth saving.
Think critically about the reality of the situation and journal for clarity of mind.
Evaluate Your Desires
You may want nothing more than to accept your cheating partner again and continue forward with this marriage, but your deeper desire may be to be loved and treated with respect. Determine what it is you truly want without talking to your spouse.
You need to take time away from him/her to figure out your longings before letting her know about any of them.
Express Your Wish to Your Cheating Partner
Once you have figured out what it is you want — whether it is a divorce, a new beginning, or a little time away — let your spouse know about it. Be concise and honest with him/her, and do not hold back your true feelings.
This is a critical time in your relationship, and you need to be clear about what it is you want to realize or make happen.
Follow Through With a Course of Action
After you have taken time away, reflected on your desires, and consulted with your spouse, it is time to follow through with what it is you want to do. To survive your spouse’s unfaithfulness after his/her affair, it is important that you evaluate your wishes and follow through with a plan of action to guarantee that you are not in a vulnerable position again.
Decide what it is you really want, and you will be on the path to surviving your spouse’s second incidence of infidelity.
Get Some Time Away From Your Partner
Visit a friend or family member or stay in a hotel. Heated arguments will further damage your relationship. There are many explanations for why one cheats. There is lots of tension, anger, hurt, and hot emotions in the house right now.
It’s best to distance yourself from it all so you can just have some time for yourself away from the problem.
Write About the Events Leading up to the Infidelity
Both sides should keep a journal. Infidelity does not appear out of nowhere. Consider whether this action has been the culmination of a string of distrustful behaviors, disrespectful responses, or ambivalence to the commitment.
Also, list the good things about your partner to keep an even keel. Things are not usually black and white.
Be honest with yourself about your boundaries, what you now expect, how you feel, and if you want the relationship to work.
Talk to Your Partner in a Neutral Environment
Go to a park, restaurant, or counselor’s office. Do not choose a bar, friend’s house, or memorable place for the both of you. You do not want your mind to become cloudy.
When discussing the event, use “I” statements rather than “you” statements. For example, “I feel this way” or “This event has caused me to feel…” It’s easy for either person to be put on the defensive. If you have caused the infidelity, do not assume you know how your partner feels.
Everyone is different, and it does not make them feel any better to hear that you can relate to a problem that you caused.
Seek Counseling
There are a plethora of marriage counselors who are skilled at handling infidelity. Ask your partner to go with you but also make separate appointments for yourself. Many women’s centers offer a sliding scale payment for private sessions.
If counseling doesn’t fit in your budget, read books like “Infidelity: A Survival Guide” by Don-David Lusterman, “Surviving an Affair” by Willard F. Harley and Jennifer Harley Chalmers, and “Private Lies: Infidelity and Betrayal of Intimacy” by Frank Pittman.
Reestablish Your Own Self-identity
This step is important for both parties. If the one who conducted the affair goes through life always feeling guilty, they will begin to resent the relationship. The wronged party must build self-confidence and create a social network.
Learn to take care of yourself before working on the relationship.
Reconnect with your partner. Create new memories–take a trip, go on dates, or share an interest. Rediscover why you fell in love with each other.
final thoughts on dealing with a cheating partner
The ball really is in your court. You get to decide whether to salvage the relationship or leave. Your cheating partner may beg and plead and promise to never do it again, but will you ever be able to trust them again?
Can you live with them always questioning their every move? It’s important to take time to answer these and many other burning questions you may have before you make a decision.
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