And “is it ok to…”, or “why do/am I…”, and “how do I…”, like suddenly I’m 5 and new to life. Now, I know many of you are probably saying, “Well, Iva, I Google ‘how do I’ all the time, so it’s not just for old people”.
I bet you do! I mean, that’s what Google is for, right? To find answers.
Here’s the difference. While most people are Googling how to fix or make something, I’m over here Googling
“How do I get rid of back pain without overdosing on pain killers” or “How do I pick up a 25 year old man”?
Capiche?
But lately, Google and I, actually, it’s more like ChatGPT have been tackling, “is this normal…?” because I’m kinda new to aging and have no idea what the hell is going on with my body, mind, and soul, which I might add, the latter is dead and cold these days.
Anywho…
My Google Search History
I’m not going to share my full search history with you because that would be slightly embarrassing, but I will share a few of the most random ones that are amusing and borderline depressing.
It seems, though, that most of my Google searches are health-related. Oh, every now and then, I do search for a fun recipe, but I mostly want to know about weird pains and if I’m going to die soon.
I don’t search for anything fun anymore. Tell me what is going on with my brain, and am I going to end up a vegetable like my mother? Just tell me.
It’s weird.
I’d love to know what your search history includes, if you care to share, of course!
Aging is weird – 7 things in my search history
How do I stop my hair from falling out on one side of my head?
Yes, I know, weird, but it’s only one side of my head. Actually, it’s like the front right corner. I used to have this head of glorious, lush locks. Now? I’m frantically doing comb-overs to hide this stupid bald spot.
Aging, I don’t mind this relationship we have, but can you please leave my hair alone?
Is it normal to lust after young men (not boys — don’t be creepy)?
I don’t get this, and honestly, it even gives me creepy vibes. I’m almost 63, for goodness’ sake. Why do K-pop boy bands turn me on? And the hot Guatemalan men here? 20-year-olds, 23-year-olds? I don’t even know how old most of them are, but sweet baby geezus, what is happening to me?
You reading this: WHAT??? 😲
Me: What? 🫣
Is this normal, or am I dying?
Oh, I know I’m not the only one typing this shit in the search bar. This usually comes after things like, “my heart has been doing this funny stuff lately…” or “if I feel disorientated most days…”.
~ps — turns out all of it is normal and we’re all dying.
How do I make these spots on my eyes go away?
IYKYK. Stupid floaters. I fucking hate them. Don’t they know I’m still ‘young-ish’ and I still work and need my vision?
Turns out, they don’t give a shit, and you can’t naturally eliminate floaters.
However, I went down a Castor Oil rabbit hole the other day, and apparently, you just slather that slime on your eyelids and go to bed and poof, after who knows how long, they disappear.
I’m trying it now — I’ll keep you posted.
Do people in their 60s still have mad, passionate ‘slam you up against a wall’ sex?
And if so, where’s that guy? I ask this because my poor petunia is dried up, lonely and probably closed until further notice. I need magic cream to keep it moist, a word I love to use that most people hate…moist moist moist…Sorry, I’ll act mature again.
But I often wonder if my days of hot and crazy sex are over. ChatGPT has some ideas for me.
Why do I hate everyone and everything lately?
Dear Google. I want to kill people. I wish everyone would shut up. Everyone is stupid and getting on my nerves.
It was bad — until someone in a Reddit thread told me to get my hormones checked and get on some HRTs. Now, I’m not so angry and don’t wish death on everyone anymore…very often…rarely…like, not daily.
I mean, I’m ok now.
Is it normal to grunt while getting off the couch?
Dafuk is happening to me? All this “oooph-ing” is annoying. Do all old people do this? Does it get worse, and what the hell am I grunting for anyway?
Why can’t I just get off the couch without making noises? Do they help? Aging is so weird.
Is it normal to get up and pee 2–5 times a night?
So.much.this.
Just once, I’d love to sleep all night. Go to sleep at 10, wake up at 6 or 7. Sleep peacefully and soundly throughout the night. Just once. Without medication.
‘nuff said.
Your turn — what’s in your Google search history?
Honestly, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but if you have no problem sharing, I’m all ears, er, I mean eyes!
So, listen. Aging is weird and challenging. It can also be frustrating and exhausting, BUT all in all, it’s beautiful and I’m grateful for each and every day I have breath in my lungs.
~heads over to Google and types:
Why is my breathing so heavy these days?
xo iva xo
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