As a 62-year-old woman, I’m sad to say I have very few friends, but that’s the way I like it. I used to have a ton of ‘so-called friends,’ and one day, I realized all I had were a ton of toxic friendships.
Slowly, one by one, I started distancing myself from these people, and the more toxic friendships I dumped, the happier and easier my life became. Funny how that happens.
And while I don’t have many friends these days, the ones I do have are solid ‘got your back’ kinda friends, and I love them. I’m also not out trying to make new friends either. It’s exhausting, and honestly, I’m happier at home alone with my two crazy cats.
13 Signs of a Toxic Friendship
Today, I want to share some signs of a toxic friendship because many of us don’t even realize that our friendships are toxic. We give our ‘friends’ too much grace, but how much grace is too much where it gets to the point where now, your friends are just being *ssholes?
Seriously!
If you recognize any of these signs, it may be time to cut cords, end the friendship and move on.
You Feel Drained After Every Interaction
You know what I’m talking about. Burnt out, dead tired, mentally exhausted after spending even an hour with them. They are either way too negative, too chatty, too toxic or too needy but they’ve drained your battery.
You’re done. And they do this every single time. Not a good sign at all!
It’s Always About Them
Memememememeeeeeeeeee. UGH! This makes me cringe. Every conversation, every single time, is about them. Give me a break. You’re not that exciting.
This seriously makes me hate people. I can’t stand one-sided conversations. Get over yourself.
They Dismiss Your Wins
Every time you shine, they look away, change the subject, or make it about them. They have a hard time being happy for you and your accomplishments. It makes them feel like a failure or inferior.
You don’t need a friend like that!
They Guilt You Into Everything
“After all I’ve done for you…” Does that sound familiar? If guilt is their go-to, you’re not in a friendship—you’re in a contract you didn’t sign.
You do things for people out of love and kindness, not because you are keeping score and expect something in return. That’s business, not kindness or friendship.
You’re Walking on Eggshells
Some days, your friend is sweet and fun; other days, it’s like Linda Blair. You never know which version of them you’ll get, so you keep your mouth shut. Moody is her middle name.
It’s hard to be friends with someone like this. You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells in a friendship.
They Compete With You
Gaaa. Biggest pet peeve. Why are we in a competition? I thought we were friends? This is not a friendship, this is now a game.
What’s the point? I do NOT want to be friends with someone who is always trying to outdo me.
They Talk Sh*t—Especially About Others
If she’s always trashing her “friends,” guess what she’s saying about you when you’re not around? I bet my last dollar she’s trashing you, too. No loyalty there.
There are so many quotes I can share with you about this, but you get the point. She’s a backstabber, not a friend.
Your Boundaries Are a Joke to Them
You say no. They push. You say no again, they push again and again. That’s disrespect, plain and simple. We set boundaries for everyone – yes, even our friends.
If your friend is not respecting your boundaries, that ain’t no friend.
They Keep Score
She remembers every favour she ever did—and wants you to “owe” her for it. Oy. Remember that whole kindness vs business thing we talked about earlier? Ya. Same.
Friends don’t keep score. They do things for their friends because they want to, not because they have to or are expecting a favour back in return.
You Feel Like You Can’t Be Yourself
I had a friendship like this, once or twice. Even a relationship. I couldn’t be myself, yet I stayed on because the thought of being alone and lonely scared me.
I’ve since learned to set boundaries (notice I talk about those a lot?) and love myself too.
They Use You as a Therapist (But Never Reciprocate)
Emotional dumping with zero care for your mental bandwidth. And they dump and dump. No regard for your feelings.
That’s not friendship—that’s taking advantage of someone and not giving a f*ck how you feel.
They Expect You to Be Available 24/7
Friendship doesn’t mean constant access. It’s one thing to say ‘I’m here for you always,’ but it’s another thing to abuse that.
Does your friend get pissed when you’re not there for them 24/7? That’s a red flag and a clear sign of a toxic friendship.
They Disappear When You Need Support
They expect you to be there for them 24/7, but are nowhere to be found when you need support. You have a friend like that? You’re not alone. Many of us do.
How does that make you feel when you need them and they aren’t there for you? I totally distanced myself from 2 toxic friendships because of that.
How to End a Toxic Friendship (and never look back)
Ending a toxic friendship is hard, but it’s for your own good and the good of your mental health! Here are a few steps to help you end it, set boundaries and move on.
Acknowledge the truth. Stop ignoring her behaviour or brushing it under the rug. If your friend does any or all of these things, it’s a toxic friendship. End it and move on.
Decide how you want to end it: gradual fade, direct convo, or hard block. This is the hard part – actually having the discussion that you are ending your toxic friendship and moving on. I would advise against a hard block because I believe they deserve an explanation at least.
Keep it short, clear, and drama-free. You owe her honesty, not a full breakdown of why you’re done. Tell her how you feel and how this friendship has made you feel for the past x months or years. She probably has no clue.
Expect her to get defensive or angry. Toxic people rarely go quietly or without a fight. She’ll argue that ‘you’re no better’ or whatever. Stick to your guns, don’t let her guilt-trip you and walk away peacefully.
Grieve if you need to—but don’t second-guess. You’re going to grieve. Every ending comes with some sort of sadness. Grieve, but remember why you made this decision in the first place and don’t weaken and go back because you feel guilty or lonely.
Rebuild your boundaries. Use this time to reconsider your boundaries and where you need to lay stronger boundary lines. Take time to go over what you will tolerate and what you won’t. Disrespect should be on that list
final thoughts on toxic friendships
Many of us hang on to toxic friendships because we don’t want to be alone or friendless, but sometimes, having no friends is better than having toxic ones.
If you have a hard time making friends, check out this article. It outlines steps necessary to build solid friendships, not toxic friendships.
