Getting a divorce can be confusing and chaotic, frustrating and maybe even depressing. In this article, we’re going to talk about how to get over a divorce after a long marriage and I’m going to share 10 tips to make it easier on you.
I don’t think people realize that there is a grieving process, much like the death of a loved one, to go through after a divorce. Something you’ve had and loved for a very long time has come to an end.
You’re going to be grieving the loss of your marriage and your spouse.
I want to touch briefly upon the 7 stages of grief and then we’ll talk more about the healing process that follows a divorce. Remember, everyone’s healing is different.
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According to what I found on Google and legaljobs.io:
The current divorce rate in the US is 2.3 persons per 1,000 people. Overall, the rate of divorces in America is falling. Divorces amongst people aged 50+ years are risingSource: legaljobs.io
Half of all marriages end in divorce according to wf-lawyers.com. That’s a lot!!!
And they’re rising. You’re not alone and it’s not taboo anymore. You’re not a horrible person because you’re divorced now. Don’t forget that.
How Long Does it Take to Get Over a Long Marriage?
While I’d love to give you an exact length of time, I can’t. It will all depend on you. I believe that the more years of marriage you’ve had, the harder it will be, but…it’s not impossible and you will get over it.
While you go through the 7 stages of grief, you will be doing healing work. How much time or how long the healing takes is up to you and how committed you are to getting over your divorce and starting your new life!
How to get over a divorce after a long marriage will feel and look differently for every woman.
7 Stages of Grief
- Shock – I can’t believe this is happening to me.
- Denial – This can’t be happening to me
- Anger – Why is this happening to me? I can’t believe he’s doing this to us.
- Bargaining – Maybe if I change he’ll come back
- Depression/loneliness – Feeling like you can’t go on, filled with despair and emptiness
- Reconstruction – Working through and building a new life
- Acceptance – Accept your life now and keep moving forward with optimism
You are going through a wide range of emotions almost on a daily basis. It can be exhausting.
You will have triggers and moments that make you sad and reflect on your past relationship. You will find a healthy way to deal with these triggers and you will move on.
You might really like this article from my sister site on how to get a fresh start and leave the past behind.
How to Get Over a Divorce After a Long Marriage: 10 Tips to Make it Easier
So let’s get right to how to get over a divorce after a long marriage. Here are my 10 great tips that will make it easier for you, I hope!
If you are having a hard time with your divorce or feel you need professional help to see you through this, please seek help. Your mental health is the most important so it’s crucial you take care of that!
Please check out online-therapy.com. I partnered with them recently and I highly recommend their services.
1 Let it All Out
The tears that is. It’s perfectly ok to cry and cry your heart out and is actually pretty therapeutic. Don’t discount the power of sob fest!
Crying, in my opinion, is a great way to release all those toxic and painful emotions so they’re not bottled up inside of you! Cry those tears, girl.
I feel for the first few weeks or so, you’re gonna be bawling a lot (or not, I may be wrong here). It gets easier and less frequent as you heal. Trust that.
The first step. Cry your eyes out.
2 Self Reflection
You’re alone now, probably for the first time in your life and you realize, you don’t even really know who you are.
Take some quiet time to figure out who you are, what you want from life, what you expect from others, what makes you happy, etc,
You’ve been in an unhappy marriage for years now, so you know what makes you unhappy. We don’t want any more of that. We want things in our lives now that bring us joy.
Sit down with a journal and write out all these things and more. Find out who you really are.
3 Find a Support Group
Trust me, they’re out there! You may find one in your area, at the local library or online. It doesn’t matter where you find it, if something like this works best for you, then do it!
When you have a good support system in place it’s easier for you to get through your divorce and all those crazy emotional experiences you will go through. This is a difficult time so it’s important to remember you’re not alone.
You will need emotional support! Get it. And if going to support groups or therapists isn’t your thing, then take time to speak to a close family member or a good trusted friend. You have to talk to someone. You can’t do this alone.
4 Don’t Play the Blame Game
I know I know, it’s all his fault. OR maybe you think it’s all YOUR fault. The bottom line is, it doesn’t matter whose fault it is. It’s the end of your marriage and it’s time to move on.
You can’t keep playing the blame game. It serves no one, especially not you.
You need to learn to let go of the past and move forward. Take one day at a time. Next time you feel negative thoughts coming on, stop them dead in their tracks and think of a few positive things.
This video might help! (don’t forget to subscribe while you’re there!)
And for the love of God, don’t go around talking crap about your ex to everyone you meet. It’s exhausting and it makes you look bad too. Just don’t do that. Be the bigger person here.
5 Disconnect From Your Ex
Take them off social media, don’t follow them, don’t text them every hour. It’s a good idea to remove them from all your social media actually.
You need to leave them alone. I know how hard this may be but it’s so important to your emotional well-being.
If you feel you have cords of attachment to your former partner, you might want to take a look at my course Cutting Cords of Attachment to help you let go and move on.
If you continue to stalk them and insist of being part of their life, you’re going to have a really hard time getting over this. And you’ll never move on.
6 Find New Hobbies
Or do more of the things you never had a chance to do in all those years of marriage because you were too busy serving your family. You’re not anymore. It’s all about you now and your own needs.
What kinds of things make you smile when you think about them? What things bring you joy? What causes do you stand behind?
You’re starting a new chapter in your life. These are exciting times!
7 Evaluate Your Social Circles
Chances are, you still have the same social circles as your ex. You will have to evaluate them and ditch the ones you don’t need or cease to bring you joy and maybe start looking to expand.
You don’t need to always have the same friends as your ex until the day you die. Go out and make new friends! Go meet new people.
Remember, you’re evolving, growing, changing and reinventing your life. It’s scary yet exciting!
8 Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
Go travel, go on more road trips alone, take yourself out to dinner, go to the movies alone, go to a new cafe. Buy a one way ticket to a foreign land.
The possibilities and all the things you can do alone is endless. Take yourself out on a date. Go and do things you would never dream of doing. Go sky diving!
I don’t care what you do but get out of your comfort zone.
9 Set New Life Goals For Yourself
Your goals in life may have changed and that’s totally ok and super cool. Mine changed a lot. I went from being a hairstylist in Canada to becoming a freelance writer and then eventually running my own two websites while living in Guatemala.
I would recommend writing out some of the things you really want to achieve, different dreams you have and see what it takes to realize them. Maybe even set some financial goals!
If you can think it, you can have it or be it or do it!! You’re not stuck anywhere. You’re not a tree.
10 Breathe babe, breathe
It might be a good time to start meditating or to sit quietly with your emotions and learn how to control them. Emotional pain is very debilitating and can suck the life out of you if you let it.
There are so many really good guided meditations on Insight Timer and also on YouTube.
If you find yourself getting angry or anxious, go put on some music or do some deep breathing exercises. You must learn how to control all your emotions or they will control you.
How Do You Move On After a Long-Term Marriage?
Life is going to be so different. It’s going to be scary, lonely, overwhelming, maybe even a wee bit depressing BUT it’s also going to be filled with hope, joy, new beginnings, new relationships and so many wonderful new opportunities.
I remember when I left my ex I had many days where I felt absolutely hopeless and wasn’t sure if I could go on nor did I want to. It was a terrible and scary time in my life but I made it through.
And so will you!
How to Get Over a Divorce After a Long Marriage
How to get over a divorce after a long marriage can feel impossible and overwhelming but I think if you have a good routine in place, learn how to manage your emotions, take time to honor yourself and do some of the 10 tips I’ve listed here, you’ll get through just fine!
Though it may feel hopeless and horrible right now, you will see that these tips on how to get over a divorce after a long marriage will surely guide you to the life you deserve to live and enjoy.
xo iva xo