I’m gonna be brutally honest right now. I mean, we’re all friends here anyway, right? I want to talk about sex today, or more so, why some of us gals are having painful sex after 50. We all have one burning question: “what’s up with this sh*t”?
But before we get into that, I want to share some personal deets with you.
I used to enjoy sex as much as the next gal, but after my hysterectomy, it all went downhill. The doctor forgot to warn me about that.
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i started having pain during sex
Oddly enough, I remember it like it was yesterday.
It was probably six months after my hysterectomy. Maybe a wee bit longer. I was in a long-term relationship and had been with this man for almost seven years at the time of my surgery.
Sex was always good with him. He was fairly well endowed. Don’t be jealous. Size really doesn’t matter much. Bigger isn’t always better.
Anywho…
After my surgery, it all went to hell (insert crying emoji here).
Not only the relationship but also the sex. For the first time in my life, I mean, besides the day I lost my virginity (I was 18 years old, when did you lose yours?), penetration was beyond excruciating. It literally felt like his penis was wrapped in razor blades.
It was the most painful sex I had ever had!
I didn’t dare say anything to him, and we continued as I secretly prayed for the pain to go away. I was also pretty concerned. I started asking myself questions like:
- Did I dive into sex too soon after my surgery?
- Is this the beginning of the end of my sex life?
- Is it always going to feel like razor blades in my petunia from now?
- Why does sex hurt so much?
- Is there a magic potion to make this stop?
The answer to the last question was yes. Halle-friggin-lujiah! I found this out after an emergency visit to the doctor’s office.
Receptionist: “Is your appointment an emergency”?
Me: “Yup”
Receptionist: “Can you tell me briefly what it is”?
Me: “Sex is painful, and I need her to fix this.”
Receptionist: “Um…..ok”
Why does sex hurt all of a sudden?
So off I went to the doctor, crying about my sore petunia and kinda freakin out, “Why does sex hurt all of a sudden?” and “Please make it stop and be awesome again.”
She laughed but explained to me that because of my surgery and because my ovaries are now in some high school science test lab, I am in menopause, and my estrogen levels have decreased—a lot. She tells me that painful sex in women is fairly common.
It’s a condition called dyspareunia.
What is dyspareunia?
Pain during sex, or dyspareunia, is persistent or recurring pain just before, during or after sex. Dyspareunia is more common in women, but anyone can experience painful sex.
According to the Cleveland Clinic, there are 3 types of Dyspareunia:
The location of your pain can help determine what type of dyspareunia you’re experiencing. Types include:
- Entry pain (intraoital or superficial dyspareunia). This pain is felt at the entrance to your vagina during initial penetration. Causes could include changes in hormones, vulvar or vagina dryness, chronic irritation, infection or injury.
- Positional pain: This type of pain is usually related to your pelvic floor muscles, vaginal dryness or infection.
- Deep pain (collision dyspareunia): This is pain that occurs in deep penetration. It may feel worse in certain sexual positions. This type can happen due to conditions affecting your bladder or bowel, pelvic floor dysfunction, endometriosis or pelvic congestion syndrome.
I was experiencing the first one, entry pain, and let me tell you….OUCH!!!
Let’s get back to the doctor’s visit…
So…fix it, I beg her.
She also tells me I’m actually getting kinda old – aging, if you will (speak for yourself), and my inner lining is thinning. (huh?) Because of this, well, sex is gonna start hurting (stupid, stunned look on my face).
She tells me that painful sex after 50 is more common than people realize.
She gives me a prescription for human replacement therapy, er, I mean, hormone replacement pills, writes out the name of a moisturizer on another piece of paper, and sends me home.
It’s come to this. Petunia moisturizer. I’m that many years old.
After six months, I stopped taking the HRTs because they were causing almost daily migraines. I’m starting to realize that this whole getting older thing is %&@#’ed up.
I’m not the only one having the most painful sex!
I got talking to a few of my girlie peeps, and it turns out that painful sex after 50 is a fairly common thing among women (or even younger) who are in menopause or going through it. Our precious little petunias dry up, and suddenly, we need cream.
I need cream?
Like, long gone are the days of being moist (why do people hate that word?), naturally? That was one of the best parts. Feeling how ‘wet’ I was and how awesome penetration felt. It was a euphoric feeling.
And now it’s gone. I’m dead inside. Literally …
I was kinda surprised to discover that my girlie peeps didn’t know there was a magic potion to cure this painful sex after 50 bullcrap. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so alone in this embarrassing conundrum.
The magic potion for painful sex after 50
My ex and I still had sex, just not very often. I tried the magic potion a few times, and it didn’t seem to work very well. Was it still too soon after my surgery?
I gave up.
I was growing concerned. Is sex always going to hurt now? What kind of nonsense is this? Is painful sex after 50 my new norm? Why is this happening to me? Why does sex hurt so damn much? Make it stop!
After I left my ex (which was about a year after my surgery), I hardly dated at all, so sex wasn’t even a thing for me. No boys, no sex; the flower garden is now closed for the season.
It wasn’t until I moved down to Guatemala that I started having sex again, albeit occasionally, and needing some magic potion. It was actually an embarrassing thing that sent me to the doctors here looking for help.
One day, my petunia was super sore, like excruciatingly painful. I could barely sit, sleep, walk, you name it; everything hurt. Sex was out of the question until we dug deep to find out what the heck was going on.
One look, and she knew right away what was wrong. “Girl, you need magic cream!” Okay, she didn’t exactly call it that, but I knew what she meant. The problem was that it was ridiculously hard to find here.
So I went without and kept having the most painful sex ever. Now you’re probably wondering why on earth I kept having sex if it hurt so much. Well, to be fair, I was having pain at the beginning of intercourse-the initial penetration hurt—a LOT. After a few gentle thrusts, the pain kinda went away. Kinda.
Why does sex hurt? Common Reasons for painful sex
Here’s a really good and informative article from menopause.org on the causes of painful intercourse. Take a few minutes to read it.
So this is it. Now I know the cause of painful intercourse, and the only thing I can do is keep lots of lube in my nightstand and tons of tubes of Replens on hand.
My petunia doesn’t hurt anymore (thank God). I now use this cream pretty regularly. I’ve accepted the fact that it’s necessary. Like coffee.
I also have this cute little thing (can you guess what it is?) that takes care of my daily urges (yes, I said daily).
But it makes me sad to think that my hot and wet days of sex are long gone. I mean, I had a good run, but did it have to end so soon?
Painful sex after 50 really is a thing, and I’m not alone here. I mean, it’s nice to be in the company of other women who are suffering from this, but can we have something more exciting to share with each other?
For real.
“Girl how’s your petunia today? Did it hurt last time you had sex”?
(insert crying emoji here)
mad love
ox iva ox
